This is the follow up article to Dear Adam that was posted a few days ago on Third Option Men.
I hope you enjoy it.
Dear Eve,
For years an internal battle has been raging. The tension between what was, what is and what could be. The man I know God says I am fiercely cries out from deep inside, but the man on the outside has only been a shadow of him.
The ramifications of that day in the garden haunt me still. I stood, I watched – paralyzed, not fully realizing the consequence. Immediately after we ate the fruit, I felt things I had never known before – fear and shame. As a result, I acted in a way I had never acted before – blame. I shirked all my responsibility and piled it onto you. But God saw right through me; I have never felt so small. I sensed immediately your hurt and His disappointment. But in my mind, what was done was done, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
Eve, the years that followed have been hard for me, because I don’t know what you want from me. When I have tried to step up and take back responsibility as the man you need, my efforts fall short in your eyes, and I am met with complaint. Each time you take back control, I am emasculated once again.
I am burdened by the full weight of what I have set into motion, as I observe our sons, Eve. They either respond to this emasculating loss of headship by following my example of silence and passivity or by becoming violent men taking back control through force. We have created spineless, nice guys or violent animals that abuse our daughters.
ENOUGH!
Baby, forgive my idleness, when I should have stepped in.
Forgive me for being silent, when I should have spoken up.
Forgive me for blaming you, once I finally found my voice.
I take back all my responsibility as the Man of God.
I will fight for you once again, but you will have to let me.
I will lead you, but you will have to trust me.
I will no longer put my needs or reputation ahead of your own.
Thank you for relinquishing control, I will take care of you.
God is my Champion, and I will lead you by His Spirit and love you with His love. I will die on His altar that you might have life, and I will teach our sons to do the same for our daughters.
This is my vow.
I Love You,
Adam
