JUNGLE REVELATIONS
Set the Scene: Three girls. One 4 ft. hole. Lots of dirt. Squawking chickens and freakishly large ants.
I was invited to join a mission team that was heading down to Iquitos, Peru. We would spend 10 days playing with the children in the orphanage and helping with construction. Easy enough. It had been a couple of years since I had been overseas on a mission trip and I was anxious to serve.
Trip One: It’s incredible when you’re allowed to serve alongside your friends in ministry. It’s guaranteed entertainment, especially with my friends. This trip in particular had two of my best friends on it. We were in the middle of constructing a children’s home, drenched in sweat and mud; quite the feminine combination. Amidst one of our “would you rather” questionnaires, the topic of “Would you rather love and lose, or never love at all?” came up. So, as red clay is flying over all of our heads, we begin answering. Now I’d struggled with whether or not I’d rather lose both arms or lose both legs, but this answer would be a straightforward and simple.
I’d rather never love than love and lose.
I remember the look on my best friends faces when I told them that for the first time. My friend Erica just put her shovel down and stared at me. “Kris, seriously? Would you really go your whole life without loving just to avoid the pain that might not happen later?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
Why would I trust any person? God was constant and never failed me. He had never left me stranded, enjoyed watching my heart break, or disappointed me. It would be easier if I just committed myself to Him and remained distanced and unaffected by the people around me. So, I had it worked out. (*Anyone who is a follower of Christ is
amazingly aware that as soon as you think you have it worked out, you
get a rude, and sometimes amusing, wake up call…. Here was one of
mine.)
Those 10 days in Peru led to six other trips that allowed me to develop personal relationships with the children of Puerto Alegria.
I know them now. I could recognize their voices and laughs with a blindfold on. I know that Antonio won’t be nice until the 3rd day of my visit, Geirlyson’s smile melts your heart, and Juan Carlos has to initiate any hug. Segundo hates broccoli, Hox
can have tender moments, and Tercero only needs a canoe and a fishhook for complete contentment. Romario loves to read, Victor can catch anything that moves, and Junior’s facial contortions could make anyone laugh.
I know them and all their weird quirks. 🙂
So, six visits later as I boarded the boat for my last good-bye before the World Race, my heart shattered. I was grateful we were leaving while it was still dark; it would make it easier if I couldn’t see their faces as clearly during our goodbyes. Knowing exactly where I was called for the next year was the only justification I had for leaving these children for 18 months. After 30 minutes of hugs and “I’ll miss yous.” I finally shuffled towards the boat. “I love you all SO much…” I got on the boat, put my head on the wooden bench and sobbed.
I didn’t know it was possible to love strangers so completely. I didn’t know it was possible to love anyone without caring for a second whether or not they would love me back. They have become a part of my family and the way that I love them has affected every part of who I am.
Revelation: When I arrived at the airport in Iquitos, I had a red nose and puffy eyes. My heart hurt. A friend of mine walked up and sat down next to me. He was a little squirmy considering my appearance. He didn’t do well with awkward emotional situations. “Do you ever wish that you just hadn’t come here?” he asked. “That you had just never met the boys? Wouldn’t that just make it easier?”
It took me all of 5 seconds to know my answer…”Absolutely not.” I said. “Every second that I spend with those boys is a blessing. I love them so much and my heart rejoices whenever I get to be with them… At the same time, every time I leave them my heart breaks. As much as it hurts when I leave though, the pain is well worth the sacrifice of loving them.”
I took a moment to reflect on what I had said. “The love was so worth the sacrifice.”
I wholeheartedly believe that the pain that stems from being so far away from those boys in Peru, the rejection that is sometimes guaranteed, and the fact that they may never love me back is WELL worth loving them. Boarding that plane to Lima I had a lot to think about.
I believe…
So, what did I learn? I believe that sacrificial love is a part of being a believer that I overlooked for the first four years of my walk. I believe that love can’t be done half way and sometimes it may require my feelings getting hurt in the process. The whole idea of unconditional love has been redefined in my life by the connection that I see between the way my Savior loves me and the way that I love the children of Puerto Alegria. Christ loves me so much. He pursues me at every turn. He is overjoyed when I spend time with Him or take time to talk to him throughout the day. He loves me unconditionally and continually forgives me when I ignore, defy or run from Him.
In the midst of this revelation that I would really “never love than love and lose…” God gave me a small glimpse of His love for His people, and the truth behind the idea that love holds no record of wrongs, always hopes, always trusts, and never fails.
