the blinking cursor taunts me. it mocks me. daring me to write.
I’ve tried for 6 weeks and come up empty every time, knowing that im due for an update.
But how do you summarize adjustment into a life that should be easy? I know this world. I know these people. It’s familiar, and it’s – comfortable. so, what’s the problem?
Well, if I truly explored that question, we’d be here a while. We don’t have time for that. So, summarized version? This readjustment has been way more difficult than I anticipated. I’ve lost my community and immediate access to the only 5 women who walked every inch of this journey with me. I don’t really know how to do life outside of community anymore, and that’s overwhelming. I’m in the process of trying to merge very different parts of my life, and I don’t know how. I’m trying to process and organize what the next step will look like in pursuing the enormous dreams the Lord has laid on my heart to make reality. Dreams that He has blessed me with on how I can better love His people, in His name, around the world, and if I opt to ignore those dreams, I’ll never be content. Basically, I’m irrevocably screwed up. Discontent with the ordinary. Forever a gypsy. However you want to phrase it…
Tonight, a friend was gracious enough to lend their ear while this verbal processor talked herself into a more concise explanation of her current situation and plans for the future.
Basically? I’m at a fork where I must make a choice that will launch me in one of two different directions. Do I follow the familiar path of stability that I’ve loved before the World Race? Or do I risk following a new, often misunderstood, and unknown path? Regardless, I can’t stay still. I don’t do stagnant, but I know I can’t make everyone happy in the pursuit of the next step. So, I’m just sticking with where i feel Him leading. It will be uncomfortable. It might ruffle feathers, but – hey, ive always been good at that.
Right now? Well, I’m finally back in Birmingham and working to make it home again. I’m subbing and preparing to spend my summer back in the jungle at Puerto Alegria. 2 full of months of Peru. I might be excited about that…
