Taken from my journal from May 27, 2015 (last week)…
A few years ago the director of the campus ministry I attended talked about how he felt like the campus ministries were experiencing spiritual warfare. I remember trying to follow along, but I really just did not understand what he was saying.
I couldn’t comprehend that the devil actually actively worked against us.
I didn’t understand until this past weekend [May 21-25].
On Thursday, my car started making this awful nails on a chalkboard noise. I knew it was either my brake pads or my serpentine belt. So after work, I took my car to Les Schwab for them to check my tires and brake pads. The result of their tire check was devastating. The gentleman explained that all four brake pads needed to be changed, but two of them desperately needed to be changed.
I called my Dad and broke down crying on the phone. This was not happening, this is not what I had planned. Thankfully my Dad is a genius with cars and can fix my car for me.
Unfortunately, this means I now have to make an unplanned trip home this coming weekend [May 30-31]. I have just four weekends left in my house in Bellingham with my five wonderful roommates. I had already planned to be gone two of those weekends for a graduation and two weddings. Going home to fix my car would leave me one weekend and random evenings during the week to pack everything on top of working 40 hours a week, trying to hangout with as many friends as possible before they leave for the summer, and everything else going on with fundraising and life.
So I had to make a decision and unfortunately that means I won’t be able to attend a friend’s wedding mid-June. While having a full weekend in Bellingham right before leaving is probably smart, it is still completely heart-breaking to not attend my friend’s wedding.
The quick realization that my car was messing up a little more than four weeks of my life was cruel. I was hurt and beyond angry. How could Abba do this right before I leave? How could he do this while I’m in preparation mode for the Race? How could he do this when we are fundraising like crazy? How could he do this when I’m about to be unemployed for the rest of the summer?
I’ll be honest. I didn’t handle it well. Instead of saying “Papa, I trust your plan,” I said, “Papa, I’m angry with you. I don’t even want to talk to you.” He painted the skies brilliant colors not long after this conversation, I ignored him. I spent all weekend camping in the middle of the North Cascades, I ignored him.
The weekend gave me time to process, time to realize that the devil is very much so alive and that he greatly enjoys trying to tear us down.
But you know what I learned while camping?
The only one who can build us back up is the only one we should turn to,
the one we should always keep our eyes on.
Yesterday [May 26], I was catching up on my SheReadsTruth ‘Bible in a Year’ plan. Psalms 62 jumped off the page at me:
For God alone my soul waits in silence,
from Him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken.
(1-2)
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
(5-8)
God is our rock, our refuge.
It is he who I shall turn to in this time of frustration,
in this time of the devil knocking at my door.
