Bradley demands to hold my hand when we walk anywhere; he hooks his arm around my shoulders and buries his face in my neck to snuggle after his nap.
Ady tells me she loves me at least ten times a day at the most random moments; she makes the best lego creations and has the most hilarious fake laugh.
Lexi starts her first post-grad “big kid” job next week; we laugh like maniacs and speak truth into each others’ lives. Coffee dates and hours of conversation, Boomers for dinner, fitbit challenges, swapping book ideas, and everything in between.
Katelynn and I spent hours studying together all throughout our crazy education program at WWU, typically procrastinating and laughing instead. Now, she’s applying for teaching positions. We both started our fitness journeys about the same time, and this girl has been nothing but pure inspiration throughout the process. She constantly kicks ass and takes names, not letting anyone stop her from being who she is. She is my biggest support and the person I go to for anything.
Hannah and Dylan get married just three weeks before launch. I’ve watched this relationship from day one grow into one that is nothing short of incredible. I’ve seen all the ups and downs, and have cheered them on consistently. Their marriage is going to be an absolutely amazing one.
My little sister just got engaged and is in the process of planning her and Brenden’s wedding. We may disagree on a lot of things, but I have absolutely loved watching her be in love. I cannot wait to celebrate their marriage next fall.
My oldest cousin, Jordyn, graduates high school this spring and will be attending UW in the fall, a dream she’s had for as long as I can remember. She’ll be buried in GUR’s and living the college life in Seattle!
The gym I attend, Kulshan CrossFit, has done nothing but continually change my life over the last almost year. I’ve learned so much about myself, about my health, and about fitness. The community is unbelievable and they are the most encouraging people I have ever met; I wouldn’t be who I am today without them.
The sunset over Bellingham Bay, which is practically the ocean if not for a few islands, has changed my life and taught me so much in the last five years. It’s a place of comfort, a place of growth; a place where I’ve sat quietly soaking in Papa’s words and a place where I’ve BBQ’d with friends and a place where I spent most of my college life studying.
The green evergreens, of which my beautiful state is named for, bring a sense of peace I could have never imagined. They smell heavenly, especially after a good rain. After being away from home, they are always the first thing I want to see as a plane flies into Seattle. We hike through them on nearly any PNW hike, and they’re beautiful especially mirrored against a good lake.
These people and these places scream nearly daily for me to stay, to quit
fundraising, to not pack my bags, and to stay in Bellingham.
These people and these places mean so much to me.
They are a part of who I am.
But these people and these places aren’t going to disappear just because I am leaving for eleven months. While these people and these places may change and grow, they won’t disappear.
Over the last few weeks as I’ve bought gear and worked on fundraising and have thought a lot about the many reasons I don’t want to leave Bellingham, Papa has been whispering to drop everything and GO. I have seen these whispers and they have left a lasting impact on me.
Two weeks ago during my church’s Refuge service, an hour and a half of worship and prayer, a song began that I knew Papa meant for me. “Beautiful Things” by Grungor.
“You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of the dust / You make beautiful things / You make beautiful things out of us / You make beautiful things out of us / You make me new, You are making me new / You make me new, You are making me new.”
We sang this song often on my first mission trip to the Navajo Reservation in Arizona. Every single time I hear it, it brings on a wave of memories from that week. But, it also reminds me that the Res is where my love for missions and for loving on other people began.
A week ago, I decided that I didn’t care how cold it was and I slept in my hammock on the balcony during the work week. Two more whispers. As I was falling asleep, “Live Like That” by Sidewalk Prophets began on my iPod. I woke up a little and re-started the song, finding a new anthem for my life and for how I want to live on the Race.
“Am I proof / that You are who you say You are / that grace can really change our heart / do I live like Your love is true / people pass / and even if they don’t know my name / is there evidence that I’ve been changed / when they see me, do they see You / I want to live like that / and give it all I have / so that everything I say and do / points to You.”
I woke up in the middle of the night, needing to use the bathroom. When I walked back outside and crawled back into my sleeping bag, I checked the time. It was just after 2am. I curled up to go back to sleep, but the sky kept me awake for nearly a half hour. The stars were so bright, so real, so right there. A wave of memories – my first mission trip on the Navajo Res we spent our last night worshiping in song for what felt like for ever in the dark under the brightest stars I had ever seen in my life. It was the first time I had ever seen the Milky Way and really saw constellations. Those stars, the ones I see on the clearest nights, are a constant reminder of how big Papa is, of all that He created, and of my love for missions.
Half a week ago, an alumni Racer whom I love dearly for being incredible, sent me a note via snail mail. If you didn’t already know, I adore snail mail. It’s old fashioned and I love it. She ended the note with: Remember His timing is perfect and that He never promised it would be easy.
Yesterday, I received another note via snail mail. This time from my second mom, Mama Karen. Over the last few years, as I’ve grown deeper in my faith, she’s the one I go to when I have questions about the bible or about my faith. She was the first person to find out I was considering applying to the Race and the first person I called when I got accepted. She speaks so much love and truth and wisdom into my life. In this short note, she wrote that she loved me three different times and in three different ways. Halfway through the note, she simply wrote This is covered in prayer. Nothing big, nothing crazy fancy if anyone were to look at it, but it meant the world to me.
So as I have thought about all the reasons I should stay in Bellingham,
I’ve realized that Papa’s whispers to GO, to drop everything and GO are bigger.
And not only are his whispers bigger, they are infinitely better.
