When I first decided to go on the World Race, I never could have imagined how hard and rewarding it would be at the same time. I have learned so many things (some have been easier than others) about myself and my relationship with God. Ok, ok, before I get too deep into this, I must come clean about something. I am not actually traveling around the world seeing God work in other cultures and people, but the better half of me is. Her Name is Kristen and she is the love of my life!
When Kristen told me about the World Race for the first time, I could see the fire in her eyes. She was as stoked as a person could be. I knew this was something that she had to do and I knew that I wanted to be a part of this journey, even If I wasn’t physically by her side. We talked about what going on the race would look like within a serious committed relationship and liked what we saw. When you’re prepping for the race months in advance, you really dont have anything to worry about, because you’re still with your favorite person in the world. But as time draws closer to Launch (the week before they leave the country) you begin to notice that you have already said goodbye to part of them. They are in what is called “Race Mode.” Its actually really cool. They are flipping every couch coushion and car seat looking for every penny they can find to complete their fundraising. We spent many hours in the car going back and forth to REI and other outdoor savvy stores to get Kristen the best gear. Secretly, I looked for every excuse to make a trip to my local REI or out doorsy store…those places are magical. But once your favorite racer hits race mode, the journey that is to come begins to sink in.
Saying “See ya soon” (we dont say goodbye..shes coming back to me!) at launch was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Thankfully, Kristen and I had been pleading for months before she left for God to begin to mold our hearts for this moment. The moment that we have both trusted God more than any other time in our lives. Trusting Him to take care of the person we valued most, each other. I could write about a million different things that I have learned through this experience but I would like to share with you the most rewarding lesson that God has shown me and had forever changed how I approach life. This blog goes out to the person who is unofficially going on “The Race,” but is embarking on the adventure of a lifetime.
Trust. Its one of those words that is awesome and scary and everything in between. What does Trust even mean? It took me whole months of Kristen being gone before I fully surrendered all of my anxiety and worries about Kristen being abroad and traveling without me by her side. Ladies, here is a quick lesson in Man 101. We like to protect. Its in our nature and its how God has designed us. We especially love to protect those closest to us. We will do anything, including laying down our lives if it means that our damsel in distress comes out unscathed. We live in a sinful world. Bad things happen all the time to innocent people. I am a calculated person so when I think about everything that could go wrong, the hair on my back begins to stand up and im ready to go Liam Neeson on somebody. Imagine giving up complete control of something that was built into your very nature. That would be like taking the hard drive away from a computer and then telling it to keep working (I dont know a lick about computers…so I am sorry if that statement is inaccurate).
I found myself in the first couple minutes of saying goodbye to Kristen doubting that she would be safe or thinking of the worst possible thing that could happen. I felt like my daughter was going off to college or something. I spent many nights awake just thinking. Tossing and turning and just wishing that I could be there to protect her. One night God came to me in a dream. The cool thing about God is that He doesnt just throw things our way and expects us to deal with them. Instead, He comes along side us and goes through the trenches with us. In this dream, I was standing on top of a cliff over looking the grand canyon and God was speaking to me directly. He said, “Russell, do you see these canyons and gorges? You know that I carved that out with my finger (singular…one finger)?” I said “Yes God, I do.” He then took me to the rocky mountains and I am in the clouds looking down at this magnificently beautiful landscape and God said, “Russell, do you know that I carved this with my finger (singular again)?” “Yes, Lord,” I replied. He then said to me, “Do you not know that I hold those that I love in the palm of my hand?” I just stood there and soaked up the pure feeling of comfort and peace. I dont think I ever actually said anything back to God, but thats ok, he knew what I was thinking.
Point being that our God is so powerful that He can carve the grand canyon and form mountains with His finger…if He did that with Just His finger, how much stronger is His hand? He holds those whom He loves in the palm of His hand. NOTHING could ever break that grip. NOTHING. So then I ask myself…well why do bad things happen to people who love God..just because Kristen loves God with her whole heart, does not mean God will not choose to bring her home to glory…I thought about that all day after I woke up from that dream. In prayer, God comforted me by allowing me to understand that if anything were to happen to Kristen, its not because something broke His grip on her, its because he ALLOWED it to happen. That may seem dark, but its not really. You see, our Father loves us fiercely. FIERCELY. He has our best interest in mind always. In case you forgot, he is the author if this story we call life. We are sinful and cant see past ourselves so when bad things happen, they arent always bad, we might just not be able to see past the bad in the moment.
All of this to say, once I realized the enormous power of God I was able to fully surrender Kristen to Him knowing that she is in better hands. It was like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulder. I could breathe again. The feeling in fantastic! Since I have begun fully trusting God with everything (dont get me wrong, I still have my days when its hard) I have begun to see my heart being molded in every other area of my life. So, for the unofficial racer….this race has taught me to completely surrender control. Its much easier said than done, but it is so beautiful. This race has been nothing that I expected it to be, but then again, God has a funny way of breaking those expectations that we put on life. God is great, always.
