Why me?! Why now?! Why, why, why…
So many questions left unanswered, so many paths I can take in my life, so many options for where I am headed. What if I take this path…where will I end up, will I be missing something, will I ever find what I am searching for….
What do I need to do to get from point A to point B, how do I prioritize and weigh out my options, where did I go wrong to make things not turn out like I had hoped, What to do now…
You see, this is the way the “old” worldly Kristen used to think. I would over analyze EVERY single aspect of my life to the point that most of the time I drove myself crazy. Trying to be perfect and falling short time and time again. I was striving to reach an unattainable earthly goal of perfection and got so caught up in how the world viewed me. I wanted to be “successful.” I wanted the “All-American” dream. I wanted to be “rich.” I wanted to be a “nurse practitioner.” I wanted the husband who would get all dressed up on Sundays and attend mass with me. I wanted this and I wanted that, all of these things and many more. I just didn’t understand why or how they could all be stripped away from me when I was sooooo close to attaining them.
Instead, HE was paving the way for me and I had no idea what HE was up to.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
He permitted circumstances to occur and showed me that MY plans were not HIS. He closed doors I could have never closed on my own. He opened doors I would not have dared to even touch. He brought me to my knees and it was then, and only then, that I was able to fully trust in HIM.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths .” –Proverbs 3:5-6
Now as I sit here today, I can humbly say I am a beautiful mess, a work in progress, slowly but surely surrendering the life I once knew and the path I wanted to take because it was comfortable, safe and secure, for the life and opportunities God has now graciously blessed me with. HE has given me the understanding that I am perfectly imperfect in all aspects of the word. HE has opened my eyes to a new beginning, when before I was blind and I could not see. I honestly now have more joy and peace in my heart because I know the TRUTH. As the old saying goes, “the truth will set you free.” And FREE I AM! I am free because I now realize that Jesus already paid the debt IN FULL. There is NOTHING on this earth that can compare to HIS ultimate sacrifice, which sets US free…HE did it for YOU. So you can no longer be troubled by your worries of tomorrow, your sorrows, your hurts, your pain, your anxiety, your doubt, your stress, and other things you may be struggling with…He wants you to leave it all at HIS feet, for that was HIS sole purpose in dying on the cross.
1 Peter 2:24, “and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.”
How amazing is that?!?! For it is by HIS grace we are free!
I no longer strive for perfection on my own, but I strive for a deeper understanding of HIS. I no longer worry about my future, for I know HE has it all under control. I no longer feel unworthy or unloved, for I know only HE can fill me with HIS ultimate love. I no longer feel stressed about trying to control my life, for I know HE is all-powerful and all knowing. I no longer look to others for answers, for I know HE has it all written down for US, and all we have to do is open HIS book to find HIS directions. I no longer fear the unknown, for I know time and time again HE has casted fear away reminding us to never be fearful. I no longer crave earthly desires and riches, for I know mine will be waiting for me in Heaven. ALL of this because my eyes have been opened to HIS undeniable LOVE for me.
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” –Mathew 6: 19-21
With all of that being said, I am learning to let go of my selfish desires I once had. I am learning that without HIM, I am nothing. I am learning that it is only through HIM I will gain success. It may not be up to par with what the rest of the world defines as success, but I am okay with that. In fact, I am more than okay with it. I am delighted in the Lord and HIS Will for me. If you would have told me I would be 22 years old and traveling around the world with 63 people I have yet to meet, living out of a back pack, sleeping in a two person tent without an agenda or a day-to-day plan, I would have laughed and said, “NO WAY! NOT ME!!!!”
Now here I am….3 short months from putting God’s plan for me into action and what I would have laughed at a year ago, has now become my reality. All those questions of wondering why, have miraculously vanished, and I can now see with clearer eyes and a pure heart. Alleluia!!! It’s not to say I don’t still have trails and hardships, because trust me I do on a daily basis, but I handle them with a new perspective by focusing on what is really important and keeping my eyes always on HIM. It’s truly a beautiful thing when we come to realize just how much God truly loves us and ONLY has our best interest at heart. It’s hard for me to grasp HIS love, but knowing the peace I feel already by HIS grace, I cannot even begin to understand how much greater it can get! Through His promises, I know this to be true:
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He has promised to supply every need we have. The Bible says: “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”. That’s Phillipians 4:19. Now notice, God has obligated Himself only to the extent of our needs. That would include food, clothing, shelter, companionship, love, and salvation through Jesus Christ. It would not include the multiplicity of luxuries that we have come to think of as needs.
- God has promised that His grace is sufficient for us. (II Corinthians 12:9). In fact, He has made provision for our salvation by His grace through faith. Read Ephesians 2:8. It is through an obedient faith that we have access into the grace of God according to Romans 5:2.
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God has promised that His children will not be overtaken with temptation. Instead, He assures us that a way of escape will be provided. This promise is recorded in I Corinthians 10:13. Jude wrote: “Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy” (Jude v 24). Darius, King of the Medes, said to Daniel, “Your God whom you serve continually, He will deliver you.” (Daniel 6:16). He did deliver Daniel from the den of lions.
- God has promised us victory over death. He first resurrected Jesus by way of assuring our resurrection. Peter said: “This Jesus God has raised up, of which we are all witnesses” (Acts 2:32). Paul wrote to the Corinthians: “For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures, and that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures” (I Corinthians 15:3,4). Later on he adds: “but thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Corinthians 15:57).
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God has promised that all things work together for good to those who love and serve Him faithfully (Romans 8:28). It may be difficult for us to see and understand how this is accomplished at times, but God has promised it, and He will deliver.
- God has promised that those who believe in Jesus and are baptized for the forgiveness of sins will be saved. (Mark 16:16 and Acts 2:38).“Those who believe and are baptized will be saved. But for those who refuse to believe will be condemned.
I challenge YOU to live so that the promises of God will be yours~
With love,
Kristen
“He replied, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” John 9:25
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