Not too long ago I wrote a blog tiltled “This Time Next Year.” I wrote it in December right around Christmas time, and I talked about how I felt about spending the holidays overseas in the next year. You can give it a read if you want but today we’re here to talk about last year.
Obviously, I can’t talk about how I expect last years be, but I can talk about how I felt about last year and how I feel about it now.
Last year was the toughest year of my life. I’m only 22 (23 on saturday!) so I don’t have many life experiences, and honestly I haven’t delt with many hardships until last year.
This time last year was not a good time for me. This time last year I was probably the lowest I’ve ever been emotionally, phisically, mentally, and spiritually. It was this time last year that I was dealing with serious depression. My birthday is only a few days away and yet I remember last year on my birthday looking up easy ways to commit suicide. By the way, the Ben franklin bridge is not tall enough.
Where did all this sadness start? Well I won’t go too into detail but I basically got my entire world ripped from under me starting in 2017. My church, my friends, my boyfriend, my future security, my location. Everything I knew to be true was gone in the matter of 3 months. I was hurt by the church and by those I thought I could trust the most. I was forced into a life that I didn’t want and didn’t care to live.
I desperately tried seeking God through all this. And will God work in these situations? Yes. Can God bring joy to the depressed? Yes. Can God heal the broken hearted? Of course He can. But if you don’t take the time to process your feelings and emotions, your going to end up with a ton of bottled up issues that were never address or resolved. And that’s exactly what happened to me.
March through June I pushed myself to be ok. I constantly told myself that God was taking care of it and that He will heal all mental wounds, and He does do those things but I went too fast. Instead of processing those feelings and giving them to God in a healthy manner, I just pushed all my problems to the side causing my emotional “bottle” to finally burst and leave me lower than I was when my problems first started.
It took me forever to get back on my feet. I didn’t force myself but I took it slow with the Lord. That’s when God provided the world race to me and still has been bringing healing and there’s still some work to be done. I’ve been going to christian counseling AND seeking after God. It’s taken a long time but I can confidently say at this point that my joy comes from the Lord and the joy will continuously grow in Him.
I apologize to those who barely know me and got hit with all this info at once. And I especially apologize to those who have known me for a while and are just now hearing about all of this, not many people knew. I don’t tend to talk anout my feelings much so this blog is a big step for me.
But I hope this is an encouragement for anyone reading. It sounds cliché but if your dealing with issues please get help. It’s said 1000 times but it’s true. Your not alone in this. Yes, God has got your back, but its ok for others to have your back too. You got this. ????
