I have been processing A LOT since training camp back in October. I have started a blog or two, but I could never finish them, because they just weren’t right ya know?
As Launch gets closer (we’re less than a month away now!) the enemy’s attacks are getting stronger. He is attacking me and my squadmates and we are all praying for strength for one another, because we know our God is greater.
Back in October, about day 4 or 5 of training camp, we were camping in a new location (I’m not really sure where we were). The arrangements were just for the night, so we built a camp fire and sat around and talked with our Squad leaders and listened as they shared some of their experiences on the race. While I was listening to one of them talk about her experience in Central America, fear entered in and I thought “I can NOT do this”. I was terrified. I could not listen anymore and decided to get ready for bed. I kept thinking about the silly reasons why I couldn’t drop out of the race like the t-shirts I’d ordered, the support I’d raised, and the prayer cards I had ordered. And as fear crept in and began to over take me I was reminded of how far God had brought me, at that point, and how much farther He will take me.
“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” Philippians 1:6(MSG)
Also during that week I was told that God had a package waiting for me and all I had to do was take it. It was just sitting there, right in front of me and the only thing I had to do was take it. Now I’ll be honest, when Marisa told me this I had absolutely NO IDEA what that meant. I mean, what was the package?! How would I know when I had taken it?! Later in the week we had a night of worship and we were singing:
Set a fire down in my soul
that I can’t contain
that I can’t control
I want more of you, God
I want more of you, God
One of the AIM staff came up on stage and said, “Do you want MORE?! Do you want More? Because all you have to do is take it.” I just thought,”Woah. That’s the package!” I was so blown away and started tearing up as I went to find Marisa and share this revelation.
Since that night of worship God has continued to weave the “More” theme through out my life. He has shown me, through dreams and sermons and the like, that I am completely capable of taking hold of the “more”. He has revealed to me that there is so much power He can display through me, but I have to take it and I have to own it and trust it. It’s so empowering and terrifying all at once. Haha. It’s being vulnerable and yet invincible. You are at the place where you love and trust God so much that doing anything outside what you believe is His will for your life seems absurd. At the same time you are terrified, because the reality is you have what the details of your life are going to look like. You are stepping, one foot at a time, down a dark, narrow path lined with briars, and thinking, “This can’t be right. Maybe I took a wrong turn at the clover patch?” We are told, though, that in choosing to follow Christ and be transformed into His image (the “more”) isn’t an easy road.
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” Matt. 7:13-14(NIV)
I have been so in awe of God and what He has been teaching me. As scared as I am of all the unknowns (I’m a planner, so this is beyond difficult) I am so much more excited for all the incredible things I am going to learn as I step completely out of my comfort zone and take hold of More.
I love y’all!
Kourtney
