It was our last night at Hearts in Action in the Mayan Petén of Guatemala. I had spent the day cleaning and organizing the clinic, as well as doing other odd tasks around the property. I felt accomplished, tired and honestly just ready to move on to our next ministry in El Salvador in the morning (our bus was to leave at 4am!). Our host had planned for the squad and the Great Commission students to go on a prayer hike in the evening. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. After dinner at around 9pm we put our tennis shoes on and started our trek. Mario, our host, was our guide leading us all throughout the jungle. He would have us turn our flash lights and headlamps off so that we could truly appreciate the stars above us whenever we came to a clearing. I honestly haven’t seen stars that beautiful in a very long time, if ever! The Milky Way was beyond spectacular and I’m pretty sure God was showing off for us. A few times throughout the hike we would stop and sing whatever worship song was on our hearts at the moment. It was cool to sing praises under the brilliant stars. At the end of the hike the Great Commission students gathered around the whole squad and they all prayed for us (imagine around 75 people praying for you out loud all at once!). I was totally blown away by the majesty of God in that moment.
There are times when I still have a hard time believing that I’m living this crazy life, and that God has blessed me with the opportunity to share His word with the nations. I was blown away by the Father’s love for me in those moments under the stars. God touched me that night even though I was so beyond tired and just physically drained from the month. This past month in Guatemala God has been revealing to me these feelings of inadequacy and thoughts of comparison to others around me, which only makes me feel like I’ll never be good enough. It’s something that I have to bring to the Lord daily and is an ongoing process.
I’m reading a book right now called “Present over Perfect” the quote below perfectly describes my feelings about what I’m learning on my journey so far.
“This journey has been about love, about worth, about God, about what it means to know Him and be loved by Him in a way that grounds and reorders everything.” -Shauna Niequist
I’m ready for God to “reorder” everything in my life and turn me upside down! I want God to reveal himself to me in new ways like through a starry night sky. I’m a person that likes to “taste and see.” I’m the person that likes the blood and guts, who likes to eat the berries off the bush, who likes to jump off the dock into the lake. God showed up under the stars and it took my breath away. Ultimately I want to want more nights like that! I want to know the voice of the Holy Spirit. I want less stuff, less rushing, less trying to live up to the world’s standards, less trying to be the best friend, the best daughter, the best nurse, and more silence in that secret quiet place where I’m walking and talking with Jesus. I’m not always going to have those big “WOW” moments with God under the stars, but I’m learning to see Him in the children we feed at the feeding program. I want to see Him in the faces of the sick at the hospital we visit each week. As this journey continues I want to love the way He loves because of what He has done for me.
El Salvador update!
This month my team is working at YWAM (youth with a mission) in San Salvador. Everyday looks a little different, we are doing a feeding program in one of the slum areas of San Salvador as well as children’s ministry. We are also doing street ministry and visiting the sick in the local hospital! The YWAM base is really cool there are several missionaries here that speak English which is such a blessing. We have bunkbeds and normal showers! This month looks more relational and less like physical labor like Guatemala was which will be a good change! I’m excited to see what is in store for us this month! Thanks for the prayers and support! I love you all! God bless and Merry Christmas!!
