If the past month has taught me anything, it’s that I have a myriad of issues needing to be exposed to the light. I’ll hit on the main ones.
First of all, I have a very conditional love that causes me to pick and choose whom I love depending on what I can receive out of the friendship. Let me explain: I have a tendency to get to know people on a shallow level quickly and decide if I want to put more effort into the friendship based on if I feel as if I can benefit from this friendship. When I reflect on scripture, I’m humbly reminded of the words of Jesus: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” He doesn’t say, ‘You shall love your neighbor when you feel like it or when you can benefit from the friendship.’ God is teaching me how to be intentional with my teammates even if I don’t have common interests with them and especially if it’s difficult for me to love them.
Next, I become very passive when I sense conflict and don’t want to confront it. I will either avoid deeper conversation with the person with whom I have conflict, or just avoid them all together. Through mentors and the conviction from the Spirit, I am learning how to have healthy conflict resolution by approaching it sooner, rather than later.
To finish off, I’m not empathetic. I fear taking on other people’s emotions to better relate to them because I’ve been raised in a culture that tells me it’s not manly to show strong emotions. That’s garbage. In scripture, Jesus wept, David cried out to God, and Moses showed fear and doubted himself. God uses our wounds and brokenness to bring us together and to point our hearts back to him if we trust him.
There it is in a nutshell. These are some of the things I want God to change in me this year overseas. If recognition of my problems is as far as I get this year, then I’ve wasted 11 months where I could have been taking action. In Exodus 14:15-16, The Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward. Lift up your staff, and stretch out your hand over the sea and divide it, that the people of Israel may go through the sea on dry ground.”
God calls us to action like he called Moses to lift up his eyes and move his people through the Red Sea. So here I am facing my Red Sea, especially the issues that I don’t want anyone to see. God has called me to place my burdens into the light so that I can take action.
Questions for you, the reader: Are there wounds or issues in your life that you’ve never shared with anyone that you feel weighing you down? Do you feel like God is pressing you to open up about some of these burdens so that there may be healing and redemption?
I will leave you with this: (1 John 1:7-9) “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Go ahead, step into the light. It’s nice outside.
