I’m sitting at a coffee shop as I write this. I like writing at coffee shops, they just seem like such an appropriate place to be creative while getting some afternoon caffeine in the system. I enjoy them because I’m not alone; there are other people around, they just aren’t interrupting me while I work. Anyway, while at this coffee shop I decided my World Race blog needed some updating and one of the things that have been missing is pictures. I know I’m not on the field yet so I don’t have any really exciting pictures to show off of cool adventures in new places, but I think something is better than nothing. I picked a few shots I had taken while wearing the T-shirt I sold as a fundraiser a few months ago. The cool thing about using Apple products is this magical feature called Airdrop. I use this all the time to transfer pictures from my phone to my computer to be edited and used for various projects, but let me explain to you the danger of using Airdrop in a public place- other Apple users. I’m sitting here Airdropping away, and in a split second with once misplacement of my finger to the screen and I have sent a photo of myself, posed, modeling a T-shirt that reads “Because Love Moved First” to “Matt’s iPad”. Now, when this sort of embarrassing mistake is made (which is often), it seems that all knowledge of how to function as a human suddenly exits my brain as if it’s on fire! This chain reaction then causes me to forget how to cancel the Airdrop and it goes through. Awkward. I slowly come out of the initial panic as I think, ok I’ve gotten my hair cut since that photo was taken, and I barely have makeup on currently, so I decide I can probably get away with acting natural and letting Matt wonder what desperate girl dropped him a random photo of herself. It was at this moment that I realized… I’m currently wearing the SAME distinct, pink T-shirt that reads “Because Love Moved First” that I have on in the photo. Cool. There’s no avoiding now.
Part of me just wanted to tell you that story because I think it’s hilarious and it gives a pretty good description as to what spending an hour with me is like, but also there is a point here. I had the epiphany the other day, that my life has gone absolutely nothing as I had imagined. Four years ago, the trajectory of my life in my mind was totally different. I have spent the last four years saying “yes” to God, for the most part. I have been willing to do what He asks, but still with the intention of staying on my own path and living out my plans. I think Oh, ok God. You want me to move here? Great. But, don’t forget that next, we need to do this thing. Or sometimes it’s Ok, I should do this job? I’ll do it if you want, but it seems a little off track of what we’re going for here. It can even be as bold as, Really? This is what you want me to do?? Fine, but when are we going to get started on my plan?
I have this image built for myself, of myself; or rather what I’m supposed to be. I’ve spent a lot of energy trying to stay on that track. So much energy that I haven’t even noticed that God didn’t care about my ideas for my image, He only cared about His purpose for me and making sure it gets fulfilled. It’s like this whole time He’s been saying, “Hmmm that’s a good idea Kodie, but let’s do this instead” and I say, “Ok, for now….” and then ramble on about my next plan and completely miss how cool the whole unfolding is.
I realized the other day, that planning is so exhausting. Not as much the planning, but the backup planning “in case” something changes or doesn’t work out (and it inevitably will). So I thought, what if I just stopped. What if I truly went with the flow of life and just let things happen? It sounds crazy, it sounds like the opposite of anything I’ve ever been taught. No specific ideas, or- dare I say it- no goals. Just taking every opportunity as it comes and making the very most of it. I figured, why-the-heck not?! Isn’t this what 2020 has taught us?
Then it hit me…
This has been happening since before 2020. My whole life has been a series of messed up plans that have gotten me nowhere that I imagined I would go, and it has been incredible! I couldn’t have written a better story if I tried…so why am I still trying?
God’s not changing. He’s still doing an awesome job of being God. But I’m a whole lot easier to work with now. I’m more present, more intentional, and more excited! I love surprises and now I’ve acknowledged that is exactly what my life will be: a series of surprises. Like a guy named Matt getting a surprise picture Airdropped to his iPad. I highly doubt that it made his day, but it might have made him laugh a little, or get creeped out who knows? Still, I know it didn’t make his day any worse. I don’t know what my surprises will be, but I know they’ll keep unfolding to a fuller picture of God’s plan.
I’ll be honest, I almost backed out of the World Race when the world went crazy. I was trying to plan for anything that could happen. I had opportunities pop up that fit much better into that image I mentioned earlier. But God… He reminded me that He’s actually been doing the heavy lifting all along. He reminded me that even though the path that is my life hasn’t consisted of the events I had planned, it has consisted of all the fulfillment I needed. My deepest desires have been and are being fulfilled, just in way different ways than I could have imagined.
I’m excited for the surprises that are coming up. I know that they will lead to something good, even if it doesn’t look good at first. I’m glad God keeps showing up, encouraging me, and reminding me who He is. And, I think it’s so cool He wants me to do the specific thing that Jesus asked us to do as He left earth. This is for sure more than I could ask or imagine.
