Reflecting on this past week is going to be crazy!! It was full of so many different experiences that it is nearly impossible to even know where to begin to start. I say 'nearly' because with Christ all things are possible. Well let’s just go with three main areas that the Lord really spoke to me in ok? First, he reminded me not to hold onto past experiences and encounters with Him. Not to place my expectations of what and who I think He should be and what it should look like when I encounter his Spirit. Second, He showed me what it meant to let go. Not just of those who have wronged me, not even letting go of the guilt I’ve felt by wronging others, but to let go of the small things that have grieved my heart. Such as missed opportunities and lost dreams. Finally, He showed me that brokenness is true intimacy with Christ and produces a fruit that can help to heal wounds in myself and others.
By holding onto rights and expectations of the Holy Spirit and His power I am missing out on great and amazing experiences because I feel that God must be the same each time I encounter Him. He showed me that I can expect his presence because He hears me when I call, but I should not expect the feeling of His presence to be the same each time. There were some amazing and I mean AMAZING worship times at training camp and the final worship time I felt like I couldn’t feel Him. I couldn’t be doing something wrong already, could I? The Lord revealed to me that I’m not. He just wanted me to sit down and process all He had already told me!
Letting go is always a hard process, especially when you don’t know what you are holding onto. I thought I had processed all of my BIG disappointments and all the smaller ones, I should not complain about because after all who am I that I should grieve these things when I look around and see that I have been extremely blessed. Through this session the Lord showed me that it isn’t just about the big grievances that affect me but all of the little ones that pile up making the back rooms of my heart stink. To understand that he cares about every aspect of my life even while others are suffering all around the world is such a humbling experience. Letting go of everything so that I can be of use to Him for ANYTHING
Finally brokenness is never something anyone wants to admit. Maybe within the Christian community we can acknowledge the truth in our hurting and pain but in reality how in depth does it truly go? How serious and intimate do you get when someone you hardly know asks you how you are doing? Or when you ask someone else how they are doing? I’ve realized that it isn’t with other people I need to be completely broken with, but with Christ. Being truly open and broken with him creates dependency upon His perfect way and produces a type of love that cannot be duplicated! It is a love so sincere and honest that it permeates all defenses and understanding.
Now I ask you what rights and privileges do you hold onto? While holding onto them you will miss what God has planned for you. What dreams or expectations have you not let go of? Holding onto them can create piles and piles of grief that can pop up in other areas of your life. Are you truly broken and desiring Christ to strengthen the walls of your heart that you may have more of Him? There is an unexplainable freedom in true intimacy with the Creator of the universe. Allow Him to come in and heal your wounds that you may walk in spiritual intimacy where can and you can “touch heaven and change the earth”
