I’ve never been one to explore my own emotions; at least not verbally. I extremely enjoy journaling but actually verbalizing emotions is difficult for me. I am normally the one listening, asking questions, and giving feedback so that the other person can feel validated, equipped, and exalted. I get my energy from that. I love that! So now that I am in this place where I do not understand my own emotions I am feeling confused and lost, but through it all I have such a sense of peace and rest. That is the power of God. That is the love of my Creator. Through this season of preparing for life changing events the Lord has revealed marvelous things about my character in Him that is so humbling yet strengthening. He has shown me that my faith is so small but that I’m a fighter, that I find it difficult to trust Him but truly love Him, that I’m hurting and He’s my Healer.
It has been so tempting to ask God to remove these burdens of stress and chaos from my walk and then God reminds me of Nehemiah. ‘They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.” But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.” (Nehemiah 7:9, NIV)
God has said that opposition will come but Isaiah 43:2 declares that God has formed us and redeemed us, and that
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you
When you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through fire, you will not be burned.
I know that I am ill-equipped but I will do my best, and grace will do the rest.
I have enjoyed this time of stretching and trial because it is in these moments that I feel God the most. I see His hand in every little thing, and all of the victories that would have seemed minute before now have significant meaning and confirmation. I find it easier to cling to Him in these times; I also find it easier to follow Him in these times. I do not want these trials to be removed because I love the closeness of His presence; rather, I want strength to endure and perservere. I love the yearning of my heart to hear His voice, to see Him move, to know that He is in control. Thank You Father that you are teaching me to trust You completely. Thank You for hearing my prayers of growing nearer to You and abandoning myself from the things of this world. Thank You Father that You are stretching me, growing me, equipping me. Thank You for this time in my life and for the moments of chaos and confusion because it is in Your still presence that I find my rest and peace. In You is where my treasure is, and in You is where I will find my heart. I love You.
Your Princess,
Klarissa
