These past 4 days have been a roller coaster of emotions. Fear, uncertainty, excitement, insecurities, helplessness, and a whirlwind of other emotions that I can’t even begin to explain. That’s only the beginning. Now I’m here at the airport and the realness of actually starting a journey around the world for the name of Christ Jesus is surreal. I still have so many doubts about myself and my ability to actually be willingly available to trust and step out in faith for His sake. As I cling to His promises and remember that it isn’t about me and that it is only my mind that places limits on the King of Creation. Childlike faith seems so simple yet the complexities I place on the circumstances of this life make it more difficult than the Lord meant for it to be.
I have realized that I do not trust myself enough to trust the Lord. I have forgotten that simply asking the Lord to help me trust Him is something He more than willing to do. He is willing to come to my rescue when I call for Him and when I cry out to Him. We haven’t even left the country yet and already I know that God is showing me things that I would not have otherwise seen unless I was stepping out in faith and choosing to stay obedient and go on this mission trip. I miss my family and the comfort of knowing my mundane daily habits but then again I suppose that is one reason the Lord has called me to step out in faith. Well God, I’m stepping out and I’m thankful that I know You’re there to catch me.
Yesterday evening, as we were having our last final session before we set out for the world race we had a thankful and repentant worship. The tangible presence of the Lord was felt and fell upon us as we praised Him and thanked Him for his greatness in the midst of our uncertainties. It didn’t make the issues subside or disappear but it gave us a new perspective of the greatness and sovereignty of the Lord. No matter the situation or circumstance, no matter the feelings or fears, no matter the confusion or hurt Christ Jesus is King and forever and ever He reigns. My perspective has been radically changed and a choice to continue that perspective of thankfulness will give me a willing spirit to be led by the Spirit in a way I could never have imagined. In a way, I’m not ready for it; but the Lord is preparing me and that I’m ready for.
