I remember growing up, hearing friends talk about how their parents wouldn’t let them watch certain things, and I found that so curious because I didn’t grow up with common disciples like that. I’m pretty sure I was watching kill bill at the age of 12. For a while I took pride in it, talking about how I was watching “cinematic” movies at a very young age and hence my passion for film making. I would debate with people, saying what you watch doesn’t really affect you because I grew up watching whatever my heart desired and I turned out just fine…pride, it can blind you. It wasn’t until I attended a 2 year christian film internship, when I realized how much of my brain had been wired by the things I watched, read and listened to.
That’s how I formed my idea of life, what love should look like, and adventure, family and friendship, and when my reality didn’t meet these “movie scene’ exceptions, I felt empty. I felt like I was looking at the world through a plastic veil, trying to live in this false reality. I thank God for my time at the film internship, for many reasons but one of them being putting movies and film in a healthy category in my life. Learning to use this tool to bring hope, perspective and awareness.
One day, we had a session talking about where we draw our line, what we will watch, and what we wont watch. It can be a case to case bases, for me I struggle with a sense of “wanderlust” having to be careful of the romantic movies I watch. Love…does not always look the way it does in the movies. Not even just romantically but with friendship too. Most of the time, movies capture heightened emotion, not always showing the days when those butterflies go away, and you choose love despite feeling. Community is messy…really really messy, but seriously beautiful. To be able to say, I have friends who know exactly who I am….and love me anyway, exactly like Jesus. Who washes away my sin….and nothing can explain, no height, weight or width, can completely describe the love Jesus has for me…for you…and this is the foundation of everything that I do.
Why I went on the Race, why I missed my best friends wedding, why I said goodbye to that friend, why I don’t listen to that song or watch that show, why I fast, pray and read my bible…an act of Love not religion.
“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4.
When we delight ourselves in God, His desires become our desires, and the things that seemed so enticing, or important before, all of a sudden don’t. We are looking at life through His eyes, with eternity as a reality to us in our hearts.
These past 2 months, its like I’ve been bouncing back and forth between two worlds. One day, ill be on fire for God, realizing the emptiness that this world brings, and how its fading away. Then another day, ill be lusting for the desires of this world, wanting adventures in all the wrong ways. Lacey Sturm (old singer of flyleaf) puts perfectly in her song “Rot.”
“So infatuated by the darkness and so surrounded by the light
Oh my God, save my soul
And still I want what’s pure and want what’s right
But I need another fix tonight
Oh my God, save my soul.”
As human beings, its so easy to go to the quick fix, but really its no fix at all. And it all seems fun, like it would satisfy your soul in someway shape or fashion, but really its just beauty that will rot. And I realize, that the battlefield is in the mind, you are what you think, and you think what you “eat.”
“5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” – Romans 8:5-8
And to keep our minds set on things of the spirit, we need to feed it things of the spirit. The Word of God, uplifting, encouraging music. Things of truth. Its crazy how one Chainsmokers song, or one episode, can throw my mind completely off track…and honestly its not worth it. It distracts…and that’s exactly what the enemy wants.
Thank you so much to everyone who reads my blog! If you have any prayer requests, questions about the Race, this blog or even Jesus, please feel free to comment below or message me!
