PT. 2
While at PVT I went through some confusing times with God. There were some things that He brought up that were very hard and confusing to me. It was one of the most broken and confusing times I have ever been through with God. I was so angry it made me nauseous and the only thing I knew to do was go to my knees and ask Him what was going on, ask Him why He was doing this to me, why He was putting me through this, ask if I had done something wrong and if so what it was. The only thing I knew I could do, that I had the power to do, was pray. I had to give everything up to God. I had to say “I am willing to give everything up for you because you made me a promise. So if I have to go through this I am willing to die to my flesh and trust in you.”
At this moment I stopped and realized the progression of what happened. First the enemy started attacking me with these situations and tried to take away from the ministry that we were doing, this made me furious and I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I ran to God. God allowed me to be attacked by he enemy so I would chase after Him. At this moment I thought back to a sermon I gave in church one day in Rwanda a couple months ago on Rejoicing in Struggles. I talked about James chapter one. Here James is talking to the “Christians scattered among the nations” and the first thing James chooses to say to them is “whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for JOY. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow…” I talked about how God allows us to go through trials to grow us and so that we will be prepared to do even greater things and so that we might rely on Him to help us through the this Life He has blessed us with.
When I first gave the sermon this didn’t really click in my head, but it just did. This was a trial and I should rejoice in it because in it I had drawn closer to God. It doesn’t really make sense from the enemy’s perspective, I mean when you attack me in any way the only thing I do is go to God. I guess He wasn’t joking when He said all things that are created and that happen are to give Him glory.
Another example of this actually happened a couple nights ago when I tried to go to bed. I laid down in my tent just like any other night but this time I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned for a couple hours and was getting really annoyed at the fact that I wasn’t tired at all. All this time I knew that if I fell into Sin that I would fall right asleep. But I was going to be strong and fight it out because it was worth loosing a couple hours of sleep over but I didn’t want to say out loud “I will not fall into temptation tonight even if I have to stay up all night, through up or be attacked” because I knew as soon as I would say that HellFire would rain down on me because I knew he was determined to get me to fall. Earlier that week we experienced many spiritual attacks and spiritual darkness so the thought of saying that scared me. So I tossed and turned for a couple more hours and then I came to a realization. If I am scared to verbally promise God something because of how I might be attacked by the enemy I am letting the enemy control me, I am bowing down to the prince of darkness. So I thought about what I was telling myself and asking myself if I was really willing to stay up all night, through up ad be attacked (btw I HATE throwing up, like a lot and that is how the enemy usually attacks me). So I said it out loud. I said “God I bow down to You. I have chosen to follow you and I know that You have already won the Battle. You have power over the enemy and I believe that you will protect me when I am being attacked. I promise you whatever the enemy throws at me I will not fall into temptation tonight.” And like clockwork I started to get nauseous and feel a dark presence over my tent as if there was a demon walking outside my tent plotting what it was going to do with me as if I just gave it the right to have free reign on me. At this time the only thing I could do or had power to do was praise God. So I was able to turn on worship music, pray and proclaim truths about Him. I described how powerful He was and how awesome spending Eternity in heaven with him will and how much it must suck to know that you (the demon) will spend eternity burning in Hell. He didn’t like that very much so the attack got worse and I just thanked God for giving me this opportunity to shout his praises and grow my Faith. This really pissed him off and the attack grew stronger. But then just as fast as the evil presence came it was gone. What I felt then was almost a euphoria, as if the holy spirit just placed a big blanket over me and calmed my entire body. It was like a test of faith to see if I would stay true to what I believed and suffer only a little for him.
Before the Race I thought there was such a thing as a “Perfect Christian”. If you haven’t already been deceived into knowing what a “Perfect Christian” is let me tell you. First of all, there isn’t such a thing . Sorry to burst your bubble but the struggles attacks never go away. Matthew 10:22 “And all nations will hate you because you are my followers. But everyone who endures to the end will be saved.” Here it even says that the world will hate us for being christians, not to mention the angel that was cast out of heaven and all of his minions. Now the only thing that will change on the subject of opposition is your perspective on those struggles the enemy and the world throws at you. Once you start rejoicing in those struggles because the only thing they do is bring you closer to Christ then things will start to get easier.
This perspective on trials has dramatically changed my relationship with God. So I am glad for the trials God has allowed me to go through because through those I draw closer to Him and grow my relationship with Him even deeper. I encourage you to find Joy in your trials and to find peace at the foot of the Cross.
