Sawatdee ka, my dear family and friends! (That’s hello in Thai)
It has been WAY too long since my last blog, and I apologize greatly for that! Life has been crazy and it’s been hard to know what to blog when it’s been so long already. I’m currently living and loving life in Thailand and its been such a beautiful month in every way. Soooo much has happened in the last 3 months and I would love to give you a quick update and let you know what I have been up to in Africa and Asia and all the things the Lord has shown me.
The last blog I wrote was from Malawi, and it continues to be one of my favorite months of ministry on the Race thus far. We evangelized nearly single day in the local villages and saw hundreds of people accept Jesus as their personal Savior. We saw people healed from diseases, demons cast out, and so much contagious joy as we shared the truth and love of the Gospel. God began to reveal to me in that month a passion that I didn’t truly know I had: a passion to preach the gospel to the lost. I have always been quite nervous to speak on a stage or in front of groups of people, but the Holy Spirit grew so much boldness in me during this month. Even when put on the spot (like finding out I had to preach a 45 minute sermon 10 minutes before getting up to do it), the Holy Spirit gave me a confidence and provided me with His words to speak out to the people. It is the most awesome thing to be truly dependent on the Holy Spirit and simply follow Him into a place that He has already prepared- a place where hearts turn to Him and spirits are made alive at His word.
It was in Malawi that I began asking the Lord to show me truly what it looks like to love people the way that Jesus loves them. I want to love in this way, because I have been finding that I so quickly reach the end of my own abilities and burn out. But when I am filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, He enables me to love beyond myself- to love with the same love of Jesus because Jesus is alive and kickin’ in me!
So throughout the following months, God began to show me what this looks like. I’d love to say that I recognized every opportunity and said “yes” to every chance to love, but the truth is that it takes a lot of laying down. Laying down your own desires every day for the sake of others’ desires. Laying down your pride when you want to be the one shining in the spotlight for a moment. Laying down your comforts when all you want is to feel justified in doing nothing but vegging out after a long day and you know it would really bless someone if you did just one more thing for them. Laying down control when your American methods seem 110% times more efficient than the ways of the locals. But LOVE. Love is what comes before all of these and why it seems so daunting to ask for the love of Jesus to reign through us 24/7. I am continuing to ask the Lord every day to show me more of this love, and I am always greeted with an opportunity to love someone better than I can love in my own fleshly power. “Just keep saying YES”, is what the Lord says to me.
SO… the last few months. I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible, but no promises haha. A lot of good stuff!
Zambia:
In my last African country, my team was posted up in a Catholic convent for housing with another one of our teams. Our ministry for the month was teaching at a local school in the morning, and playing with the kids at the neighborhood grounds in the afternoons. Coming from our amazing ministry in Malawi, I can’t say that I was terribly excited to be in the front of a classroom instead of in front of a village sharing the gospel. My family is FULL of teachers, and I had sworn I would never be one. Well I got a taste! And now I know it’s still not for me, haha. But honestly, every day was a battle with my own discomfort. I woke up for ministry not too thrilled to walk a mile to school and teach to these kids that weren’t really remembering much of what I was teaching anyway. I didn’t feel like I was making any kind of difference being there. But through this the Lord began to challenge me: “Kirsti, if you left this month with nothing to show but a heart more dependent on Me, would that be enough?” I said yes God. That would be great. But I want to KNOW that I left something behind, that there was a real purpose in being here. He said, “Where is your faith? You don’t know how I work on these kids’ hearts just by you choosing to LOVE them. It’s not the memory of YOU that gets left behind after you leave… people forget. All you need to do is introduce them to the Holy Spirit who lives in you and where He is welcome, He will stay and do the work. You may not see results and you need to be ok with that. If you want My heart for people, My heart is always for the one that is right in front of you.” Well… talk about a humbling moment. I saw the fruit of ministry in Malawi right before my eyes- who wouldn’t get amped about that? But when I didn’t see the results or the reason in our ministry in Zambia, I let my emotions dictate my perspective. So the last half of our month I decided I needed an attitude check. I started each day asking the Lord to let His joy and love flow through me more than my own. I wanted to love these kids better, and I wanted them to know Love in His truest form. I’d love to say still that I saw some drastic, crazy shift in the school after that. But I didn’t. They learned as much as they could while we were there, and my team loved that school well. It was a teary goodbye after the Lord showed me how to love better. But I do know that God is working in that place now after we have left- because it’s not about us and the work we do, only that we were faithful to love through our actions. I see on the World Race website even now pictures of other teams that are in the same place and ministry that we were and know that they are being vessels to continue the work that the Lord started in that place and it’s an exciting thing to see.
Sidenote: I also spent the first week in Zambia without any of my luggage- I had stupidly left it behind at our last stop 4 hours away. Talk about feeling vulnerable.. I had half a change of clothes and no gear with me, so I had to rely on the kindness of my squad. And boy, did I learn a lesson about the love of Jesus through them. I don’t really like asking people for things (especially when feeling as dumb as I did lol), but they went above and beyond in providing me with everything I needed until my luggage was brought to Zambia. (Shoutout to Katie for coming with me in the ridiculous venture in picking up my stuff.. bus people dunno what they’re talkin bout lol.) Thank you again to all who loved me well through that!
Transition:
At the end of our month in Zambia, we had debrief for the whole squad. After 4 months of being with the same people, we had team changes for Asia. That means all new leaders, all new teams, all new dynamics. During this time, I was asked by our Squad Leaders to pray about leading a new team into Asia. While at first I was incredibly surprised and nervous, I knew that God had dropped this possibility into my spirit even before the Race, and to again just say “yes” when the time came. So after the 24 hours I was given to decide, I said yes! Shortly after we went through training and were given our new teams. All girls! I was really excited for the girls I would get to know, but I knew it would be a bit of an adjustment after 2 of my best friends on the first 4 months of the Race were guys.
Throughout the general excitement of stepping into a new continent and country, things became really hard for me leaving Zambia. I had been sick for a week straight while at debrief and it made for a few really miserable travel days. It was at the end of our debrief that my closest friends announced they were deciding to leave the Race for personal reasons. Long story. But though I agreed in their decision being the best thing for them, I was losing my dearest friends. Through this I also realized how alone it made me feel. (Vulnerable moment here). I hadn’t spent as much time with other people on the squad (my introvert side tends to kick it with a few solid people, get to know them realllly well and call that good) and I suddenly felt like I had to start over. So leaving Zambia for a new season of the Race, I again was not that thrilled with my circumstance. But leading a new team, I felt that I had to pull it together. So that’s what I did. However, I soon felt the freedom with my new team to really just BE however I needed to BE. They knew I was hurting and that it wasn’t over something ridiculous. Along with my squad leaders, they all let me know they were there for me and let me heal the way I needed to. The girls I was leading out of a really vulnerable beginning started to become friends and they continue to be women of God who are loving me well and whom I am inspired by. Love you BBs!
Cambodia:
My girls and I were told that we would be teaching English to primary school kids in the capitol city of Phnom Penh during our month in Cambodia. We were so excited! Half the girls had spent their whole Race in the bush of every country, with bucket showers and squatty potties. While that is essentially what we sign up for, they hadn’t really had a break yet. So we were all thrilled with the prospect of city life. When we arrived to our ministry site, a 45 minute tuk-tuk ride outside the city, we slowly began to realize that once again we would be in the bush. Yup, squatty potties, shower stalls infested with hundreds of bugs (seriously, you’ve never seen such a variety of creepy crawly things in one place as in the covered walls of those showers), and tenting in the school office nearly melting every night from the heat and humidity. While this was my first month in the bush, this seemed that it might be the breaking point for some of us. It was not an easy month. While already in the process of getting to know each other, we were also unnaturally exhausted every single day which made teaching for 6 hours a day a real challenge.
In short, we had some great bonding moments in that first month, but we can all agree it was a rough start. However, I was so encouraged by my team. They never really complained. The encouragement to keep seeking the Lord and His will for this month was always at the forefront of conversation. It began as a “just press on” kind of month, but again I really saw each one of us choose love. We were definitely tired most of the time but we loved the kids as best as we could. Towards the end of the month, we really began to express our desire to somehow share the gospel with these students. Most of them came from Buddhist families and only one of the teachers was a Christian. So we asked the principal if we could host an assembly where we do some songs with the kids, perform a skit and share a message. Not only did he give us the opportunity, but we had two days to do it, twice a day! Amazing. We acted out the story of the fall of man, as well as a skit that portrays the life and death of Jesus. Haley got to share the gospel message with these kids. Most of them I’m sure had never heard it. We left that experience again not seeing results that we would love to see upfront, but Haley spoke a powerful word in faith: “Seeds were planted today, that I believe will grow in the future. AND I really believe that some accepted Jesus today even if we didn’t see it happen.” Well, about a week ago I saw on Facebook that one of the teachers we worked with just gave her life to Jesus and was baptized! I freaked out! God is so incredibly faithful. All we have to do is plant the seeds and He will water them. His timing is always perfect, and He is so faithful to pursue us. So awesome!
So, as much as I can quickly summarize the last couple months, I can say that God has been incredibly faithful to reveal more of His heart. Obviously there’s just too much to share for one blog, but I can say that through every change, bump in the road, difficulty, tired moment, victory, celebration and opportunity, God has been constant. He has been reliable and gentle. He kept His word to show me more how to love and though it’s been through moments that I wouldn’t choose for myself, that’s why they have made an impact. God’s ways are higher than my own and the things He can dream up for me are so much more incredible and imaginative than mine.
I’m so thankful the Lord is breaking old things off of me and I’m so grateful to be a part of this incredible journey. Not just the Race, but this adventure of loving the Lord and loving people. It’s one I get to do forever, and that is thrilling. Here’s to a thousand more months of loving well and seeing God do His thing on this earth! WOOHOO!
PS- I will be writing a different blog soon about my time this December here in Thailand. This has also been one of my favorite months and there’s no way I can just tack it onto the end of this blog. So stay tuned! =)
