Yikes! That is not a fun thing to admit. But recently, it’s been the truth. I haven’t really been praying. And when I do, they’ve been quick, flippant, and insincere. And that is so insane considering the fact that I’m supposed to be talking to God, the King of everything, who literally MADE all that we see, who is totally in love with me and with you, and who came down to earth as a human to take my sin and make me like him. Like… WHAT?! It’s all about perspective people. Partly, I think my issue is because I can’t grasp that prayer is powerful– that it actually is able to change things. It becomes a task that I think I have to do to be a “good Christian”, and not a conversation with my Heavenly Father. Also, my prayers are oftentimes me talking at God instead of with Him. In the last few days, I’ve tried to give God a chance to speak to me when I pray. Because, let’s face it- it isn’t really a conversation if one person takes all the airtime. Personally, I am scared to give God my silence. It allows Him to speak things that may be scary or uncomfortable. This quiet is more perilous because it means I have to listen. It is much easier to talk and talk and talk, because I get to direct the conversation, but as soon as you give God the mic, anything can happen. Let me dump some bible verses on you:
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19
There have been A LOT of thoughts and lessons jumbled up in my head and my life recently, and these verses encompass them really well. Fear and love. Action and reason. First, we can do nothing if we don’t first realize how much Jesus loves us. Only then can we do anything worthwhile. That is where our passion and power comes from, because if he didn’t die for us, showing the greatest act of love, we wouldn’t have a reason to love. It would be pretty pointless. His action gave us a reason. It’s cause and effect. Because we now have this crazy sustaining, filling to overflowing, joyful, glorious love, WE CAN NOT FEAR. Being afraid becomes stupid because LOOK AT THIS LOVE! If God is for us, who can be against us? We no longer have that within us! We have a spirit that cries “Abba, Father.”
This is why being letting God speak to us is awesome! Because once that spirit of fear is gone, listening to God is completely swallowed up in love. He loves me. I get to sit at His feet. I want to be like Mary, who sits at Jesus’ feet and listens to Him. It’s a joyful thing. It’s a forever thing.
Lord, make me open to whatever you tell me. Take the spirit of fear from me, because it is from Satan. And help me understand that all you do, you do in love, because you are love, and you completely love me.
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This blog post was kind of all over the place, but thank you for sticking through it! I hope that God uses it to touch you heart. This week I am going to begin the support raising process. Woohoo!!! I would deeply appreciate your prayers. For those that don’t know, I need to raise $15,800 to go on the gap year, not including the gear, flights to and from training camp, and to the starting point and from the ending point of the race. That is an intimidating number! But God is faithful, and if it is His will for me to go on this trip, He will get me there (stay tuned for a future blog post about this). If you would like to be a part of my support team, I would so appreciate it! You can give online at the top of my blog page, or through checks made out to Adventures in Missions with my name, Kirsten Caswell, in the memo line. You can send them to Adventures in Missions, PO Box 742570, Atlanta, GA 30374-2570. Thank you so much for reading my blog and following my story!
