L A U N C H I N G A C H I L D
One Finney Parent’s Perspective
How could you let your daughter do this kind of thing?” “How are you doing?” My husband and I been asked these questions a dozen times or more this past year. (See At A Glance blog archive: “Fast Living Gives Way to Faith,” March 3, 2014 for the background story.)
The short answers? “It wasn’t my choice.” “She’s an adult now.” “I know! it’s crazy!” These all seem neither sufficient nor able to encapsulate the situation completely. It is costly and dangerous. She may not return safely or as the same person who left. It appears foolhardy for her to abandon a job she loves as a graphic artist working for a growing church, family and friends she holds dear, and a safe, comfortable environment in the United States in order to travel to 11 countries in 11 months while yielding no salary. Deferred college loans will also still need repayment upon her return. Yet, as her parents, we supported her. Many of you reading this blog also helped in some way or another and for that we are most grateful.
Our daughter, Kirsten Reilly, a 2008 Finney graduate, left the United States on July 2, 2014 with The World Race organization and will not return until June 2015. She’s already completed four months serving in the Eastern European countries of Macedonia, Albania, Moldova, and Romania. Kirsten’s eyes sparkle despite living on a pig farm, using “squatty potties,” taking cold bucket showers, hand washing her clothes, or having maggots rain down from a rat-infested kitchen. Joy comes to her in a different package now: a pastor gives her an unexpected fresh toothpaste tube just when she’s eked out the last smidge or she’s “taught” how to use her own camera by a six year old with a lazy eye. A rural, elderly Moldovan woman’s smile spreads wide because of answered prayer. The team sits, touches, and prays with her using the common language of love. The cheered aged woman never expected her answer to come from so far away. You see, all she wanted was a visitor and she got seven! There were no doctors or finances to fix her hip correctly.
As a part of a larger group known as E squad, Kirsten will fly to India and Nepal next before arriving in the three African nations of South Africa, Botswana, and Swaziland. Devoid of route changes, they’ll end their mission in China and Mongolia before returning stateside. In each country, fifty young people split into seven smaller teams and fan out upon arrival to draw alongside several local missionaries and church organizations; they offer free help for an entire month doing whatever is needed. The young missionaries, dubbed “racers,” pull weeds, clean kitchens, pass out Bibles, teach English lessons, make home visits, offer after-school programs, or minister to individuals or pastors. Kirsten’s graphic skills have proven a blessing to several ministries, yet the hardest three months that include human trafficking ministry still loom ahead.
Preparation for this extensive journey required nearly nine months. As the day drew nearer, a palpable restlessness grew; excitement mixed with nerves. Kirsten relinquished a beautiful living situation with five young, Christian women in a rural log cabin to move back home where she’d share an attic room with her sister. Tension built quickly between mom and daughter as the tasks mounted. As a mom, I’m a list-maker, a worrier, a “what-iffer” and “of-course-you’ll-need-to-be-prepared-for-this” type person. Kirsten is not; she was all-forward-motion without a look back. Never questioning her decision, she trained physically and spiritually, while mom tried to prepare her medically. Family, friends, and churches joined in fundraising the nearly twenty thousand dollars needed for the mission, immunizations, gear, and spending money. God through his people provided it all. Some of the funds were raised after the race began.
If you are old enough to remember seeing NASA astronauts being shot into space, you’ve heard the countdowns and seen the hubbub of pre-launch activity. Those closest to the rocket launch are keenly aware of the many details to prepare. “Of course we’ll come with you to Atlanta, Honey,” I replied, to her invitation to join in the three-day launch before the race; all of the parents were invited. Anticipation heightened as the mountain of gear grew in our living room. Each piece was scrutinized for its worth and weight, packed and re-packed until the desired weight of 38 pounds for the tent and pack was achieved and the last good-byes and tears were released. The hardest tears for me to watch were those shared amongst her siblings. Each being partly homeschooled prior to graduating from Finney, the bonds are strung tight amongst our children. I expected to unload a few buckets myself at our last farewell in Atlanta, comforting myself momentarily with, I have few days longer with her; it’s going to be ok.
Upon arriving at our hotel, we were greeted by several glowing alumni parents. Well, at least their children returned, I reassured myself, that’s encouraging. They’re also all HOME! That’s why they’re all glowing, I also thought. One parent asked me how I was feeling. “A little nervous,” I replied. “A lot nervous, truth be told,” I nearly mumbled aloud, but “I am a little worried about malaria,” slipped out instead. Each shared their stories of their racer’s sicknesses and of God’s faithfulness. ALL of their racers had contracted malaria, one sick with a temperature of up to 106 degrees! I thought people died before 106 degrees! My nurse brain exploded! Brian and I excused ourselves to drop off our bags in our rooms before the planned dinner with the other anxious parents.
“Lord,” I cried aloud, bawling like a baby as I threw myself upon the freshly laundered bed, “I cannot do this. I don’t want to do this. I didn’t choose to do this. WHY are you asking me to do this?” I moaned as tears rolled freely down my cheeks. The growing hissy fit was finally unleashed. “Eyes of faith, Lord” I silently prayed. As Jesus submitted to His Father in Gethsemane, I knew I would not interfere either. “Please, help us Lord,” Brian prayed. I can’t remember the rest of his reassuring prayer; it was good I assure you, in the way it always is when I am anxious, but isn’t that how prayer is? We remember the basic essence and the peaceful reassurance, but never all the words.
With growing excitement and a continued roller coaster ride of emotions, my husband and I listened intently for two days as alumni racers and World Race leaders shared scriptures, risks, safety protocols, and stories. We met Kirsten’s team members, leaders, and other parents. We worshipped with racers and families from across the country. Perspective came unexpectedly for me on the second day. Just before dinner, a couple and their 12 year-old son who had sat quietly in back throughout the meetings rose to speak. Dad explained how their beautiful racer, Anastasia, finished her race before it began having died in a car accident one week prior to the May training camp. My earlier rant seemed so unjustified. Tears trolled down my face as the young boy in the wake of such deep loss fervently exhorted us about the importance of our racers going into the world to tell the Good News. Oddly during the final service that night, the launching racers were asked to pray over the parents, not the other way around. Tears rolled once more as the beauty of surrendered lives of both parents and racers filled the room. This is really happening.
The moment I had dreaded finally arrived. I would not hug, kiss, or hold my daughter for nearly a year; her teammates were now her family. We would have occasional Skype calls wherever WiFi was available and for that I was extremely grateful. Team pictures were taken and we kissed her goodbye with one last shared prayer. In that moment, I honestly had only pure joy and pride welling up inside of me. She had known about World Race and had mentally prepared for nearly two and a half years, having been turned down on her first application. She was fully ready now and she was never mine for keeps anyway; life is not certain no matter where we are. I ended our tender moment with my favorite good-bye phrase to my children, “Walk with the King, Darlin’, and be a blessing!”
Mini-Launches Lead to Bigger Ones
Launching is a huge part of parenting. It begins with that pharmacy double-striped test result. Preparation has begun! Like a seed, the child holds the promise of a God-purpose to be discovered and that discovery is a long process requiring decades and many mini-launches, doesn’t it? Birthing is only the start. We let them explore; we encourage their dreams; we revel in wonder as they graduate from each milestone. We discipline, set boundaries, and let out the rope a little at a time. Sometimes the rope is reigned in; sometimes it is pulled so taunt we are sure the loosely bound thin strands will break altogether. Even with failed launch attempts, we know that growth will surely take place. One meaning of the word launch is “to give a person a start” – it’s our job as parents to give our children lots of little starts and a few big ones. Antonyms of the word launch: “to close down”, “to phase out”, or “to shut up” are detrimental as well as costly for our children. The best place for both parent and child to be is in the center of God’s will. While we gently guide young children, only a grown child can determine God’s will for her or himself.
Crying it out
Why do we think we have to bottle our emotions before the Lord? “God is not disturbed by our tantrums,” our pastor said recently. If we know God hears our cries, why do we think we should only talk to him quietly about how we feel? Our children’s choices affect our lives whether for good or bad. However, God is ALWAYS faithful. I am on this World Race journey because of a choice my adult child made. I think of her often and pray for her as I do for all of my children and for those to whom I feel closest. My car is the place where life gets real between me and God during my twenty minute drive to work. It is a safe place to process life and also what I am reading in His Word. Nothing surprises God, so I talk to him out loud: I ask questions, I cry, and I scream at times. My radio is usually silent. Occasionally I listen quietly (this one is hardest for me), sometimes I sing (pretty much out-of-tune like Elf), and there are times when I burst into very loud shouts of thanks for things I see like bright sunrises and brilliant fall colors bursting. Most mornings, I catch him snickering at my ranting… Ah, that’s my girl!
Developing Thankfulness
How you behold things changes how you appreciate them. You’ve heard of the proverbial glass being seen half-full or half-empty. Ann Voskamp, in her inspirational and poetic book, One Thousand Gifts, writes, “Faith is the gaze of the soul… First the eyes. Always first the inner eyes… If the eyes gaze long enough to see God lifted in a thing, how can the lips not offer eucharisteo (a giving of thanks)?” (page 114). Isn’t the glass then always half-full? I’ve been adding to my own list of 1000 gifts, keeping a list of things that I see for which to give God thank: 1) freshly brewed coffee brimming, 2) clean drinking water cool on lips, 3) last vestiges of fall colors drifting, ect. Buy a small notebook that you can keep nearby for recording your gifts. Gratitude changes everything. Worriers can become worshipers through the simple act of giving thanks.
Getting Involved … Be Ready to Jump In
Upon returning from the Atlanta launch, Brian hung a huge World map in our dining room. We attached Kirsten’s picture to the bottom left corner of the map and added two pink sticky notes for each of the four squads of fifty (D,E, F,& G); one listing the routes of each squad and the other listing the seven teams making up the squad. As squads relocate, the sticky notes are moved. The map helps me to visualize where everyone is and the sticky notes are also something physical that I can lay my hands over as I pray for the various needs of all two hundred racers. July 2014 World Race parents share a private Facebook page where we can post prayer requests and pictures along with our individual racers’ blogs. Together, the WR parents read a 40 day prayer challenge book and once per month we join in a corporate prayer meeting on Facebook! The support of these like-minded people who share many of my same concerns have become like a second family to me. Showing interest in what your children are doing is always good even if they are adults. Find the support of other cheerleaders but be ready to jump in the game with them if asked. Upon invitation by our daughter, my husband and I are taking steps to meet up with Kirsten for a week (mid-February 2015) in Swaziland, Africa for a Parent Visit Trip to minister alongside her, members of her squad, and other WR parents.
Above All, Pray
The book Draw the Circleby Mark Batterson has profoundly impacted my prayer life in this unique season. I knelt on a swimming deck near the shore of Seneca Lake this summer and drew an imaginary circle around myself for the first time. There is nothing particularly magical about kneeling, but the act alone is humbling. It is where revival starts – let it start within me, Lord. 1 Thess 5:16-18 says we are to “rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all circumstances.” Evangelist Charles Finney, for whom this school is named, made headlines during the Second Great Awakening in the early nineteenth century, but there was a footnote to his story. Like Moses, Charles Finney had an “Aaron” character by the name of Father Daniel Nash. Father Nash quit his pastorate to devote himself to full-time intercession several weeks before Finney arrived in each city. He’d rent a boarding room and recruit a few other intercessors and begin to travail in prayer, laying a foundation for the revival that would follow. He rarely attended the revival meetings, but instead he stayed in his closet pleading for the Holy Spirit to fall and melt hearts. Have you heard of Father Nash? Likely few people are acquainted with him or ever visit his grave near the border of New York and Canada. If they did, they’d read his epitaph:
“Daniel Nash, Laborer with Finney, Mighty in Prayer, Nov. 17,1775—Dec. 20, 1831”
Our job as parents is to travail in prayer, to pray without ceasing. “Prayer is the pen that writes history. Don’t worry about making headlines; focus on the footnotes. And if you focus on the footnotes, God will write the headlines.” (Mark Batterson, Draw the Circle, p 186-187). For me, being a part of The Charles Finney School’s weekly intercessory group was an important way to remain in touch with the pulse of the Holy Spirit while my children attended the school.
Not every child will be launched into life in the same way as our daughter, Kirsten. For some of you, your children will graduate from The Charles Finney School in a few short months. Perhaps he or she won’t have a clue what is next and you’ll navigate those unfamiliar waters together as they work to find their way. While some students have their ideas sorted out, only a few students have life beyond high school already charted. Certainly, our students should pray, counsel, and explore options. As adults, however, we know that God sometimes only reveals a little bit of the puzzle at a time. We need to be patient mentors.
Regardless, I am sure of this: all of your students will do amazing God-dreamed things as you have laid a strong scriptural foundation at home, prayed over and with your children, set limits, encouraged your children’s dreams, and given each of them a good Christian education here at Finney. Like Pilgrim on the way to the Celestial City in Pilgrim’s Progress, they may get banged up and bruised along the way. As parents, we continue to entrust our children to the Lord in prayer throughout every season in life. Kirsten’s testimony, hers alone to share, included a few diversions prior to this World Race mission as well as during the preparation phase of this mission. Doubtless, there will be “detours” throughout the mission. Doesn’t God use it all for good? (Romans 8:28) I would encourage you to investigate opportunities that come your way and not to be afraid to support a discipleship experience such as this one, whether it is a short or long-term mission. Yes, it will be costly to you and your child and yes, it may carry dangers. Those things are true. I pray daily that my daughter will return safely to us if that is God’s will. I know for sure that she will not return as the same person who left upstate New York. She will have a bigger heart through the lives that will have intersected with hers as she experiences the breadth of God’s Kingdom on earth. As her parent, I suspect I’ll not be the same either.
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To follow Kirsten’s journey, visit her World Race blog: kirstenreilly.theworldrace.org or her picture blog: kirstrunstherace.com or follow her on twitter #kirstrunstherace or #11n11 and on Instagram.
Brian and Sherry Reilly live in the city of Rochester. Brian manages the Rochester Air Traffic Control Tower, while Sherry works part-time as a pediatric nurse and lactation specialist for Genesis Pediatrics. All five children were home-schooled for a period of time before attending and graduating from The Charles Finney School. Each of their children has completed a college degree program except for the youngest that is currently enrolled in college. All are working in various fields.
