I’ve never been good at accepting gifts that I don’t think I deserve.
When I was a freshman in college, I had a fish and well, it died. I’m sure I did something to kill it because I’ve never been good with fish. My RA asked me if I was going to get another one and I said, “No, I would probably kill that one too.” A few days later, I walked into my room after classes and noticed a fish on my bookshelf. I immediately walked into my RA’s room and demanded to know who bought me the fish. I didn’t have a roommate, so I figured she allowed someone in my room since she was the only one who could get in. She wouldn’t tell me. So I kept asking and asking figuring she would eventually break down and tell me. She didn’t. Instead her response sent me to that place where you can’t help but cry – the ugly cry kind. She said, “Kirsten, why can’t you just accept the gift without knowing who did it or why they did it?” Crap. The truth is I’m awful at accepting gifts, especially gifts I don’t think I deserve. I cried because she was right.
Why couldn’t I just accept the gift? When we got to our ministry site this month, our contact informed us that we would have four days of vacation because it is a major holiday in Cambodia and everything is shut down. This month, I’ve decided to not be online expect to post blogs and I’ve given my computer away forthe month so I can’t distract myself with tv shows or movies. These situations have given me a lot of time and very little to distract myself with, so I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And this morning my thoughts drifted to the idea of “enough for today.”
As I spent time on the deck alone with my coffee, thoughts, and God, this morning I realized that way to often I try to do too much. Why is it that we feel a need to complicate Jesus and what he has done for us?
Just like I needed to know who gave me that fish, I often try to figure out grace. And well, let’s be honest, I don’t think anyone can figure out grace.
And just like I told myself that I wouldn’t be able to accept that fish until I knew who gave it to me, I often tell myself that I can’t accept grace unless I can figure out why I should receive it. And being honest again, we don’t deserve grace.
Instead it is a gift that we don’t deserve. And as I’ve already realized, I’m awful at simply accepting the gift.
So I was sitting there this morning, staring at my slowly emptying coffee cup asking myself why I complicate things with God so much when all I really needed to do was simply accept?
And that was when He said, “Enough for today. Accept what you need for today. Accept enough grace for today.”
And that is it. It’s as simple as enough for today. He is enough for today. All I need is enough for today. It seems like a lot simpler of a task to just accept enough for today instead of trying to figure everything out.
So today, I’m accepting enough for today. Because He is enough for today and He has given me enough for today.
