Feedback is the at the core of World Race culture. Alumni and current Racers know exactly what I'm talking about. And new Racers are probably learning about it at Training Camp this weekend. We use WR lingo like "constructive feedback," "positive," "intentional," "one-on-one," "the 24 hour rule," "calling up," "warm seat," and "it's good." It's a pivotal part of this journey.
And I used to hate it.
For a "strong personality" like me, I'm an easy target for feedback. People love me or they hate me. I unintentionally step on toes, push patience, bring frustration, and generally just annoy. Or at least, that is how I have been perceived in the past.
The first time we did constructive feedback (aka critical, but we don't want that negative attitude here, mister!) with my new team at Training Camp, I knew the floodgates were going to open as soon as I got in the warm seat. Sure enough, I asked my question and everyone had something to say. Part of me grinned sardonically, knowing I had accurately guessed the responses. I got over myself enough to hear the truth in my team's words, but I still didn't like feedback. It felt too much like college when I would have to sit down with one of my roommates and ask her, "Why do you hate me now?" practically on a weekly basis if we wanted to have anything similar to a civil conversation that week.
Going into Launch I felt a little more receptive to feedback, but I still didn't boast in loving it like Bill Swan did in front of all M, N, O, and P squads there in a hotel conference hall. I could participate in all the feedback exercises, give my honest thoughts, hear from the Lord every now and then, and absolutely see the value in this feedback thing we insist on doing.
But I still hated it.
It wasn't until Honduras, month 3, that I began to truly see how important feedback is and equally how hard it can be.
In the span of one week, I got the same piece of feedback from four people (two team leaders and two squad leaders). Okay God, I get the message! I know what I need to work on, thanks. For the first time, however, these people gave me feedback not because they wanted to give me what for, or chastise me for inflicting injury, but rather because they could see that my actions were not reflective of my heart. They know my heart and they love me. Because of that, they want to see me be a stronger reflection of Christ and my current actions weren't showing that.
Woah.
But more so, these people, all people I respect and whose authority I have been placed under, had to put themselves in uncomfortable positions. They had to be transparent with me in voicing a felt offense, how I had hurt them. That's not an easy thing to do. To say "hey, this thing you did? It effected me. In not a good way." Not easy. And something one of my squadleaders said really stood out to me.
"Good feedback is hard. You have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations, say things you normally wouldn't want to. But it's about being comfortable. Withholding feedback, withholding something that could make your teammate more Christlike is not loving them well. True feedback is calling someone into greatness, making them better reflections of Christ. Giving that feedback is loving them well."
Now those words aren't a direct quote, I wasn't thinking about writing down my SQL's wisdom as I was sitting in the dark on a cold Honduras night with snot and tears streaming down my face. But the gist of it is still there. Speaking out truth in love is love. If I don't speak the truth, I am not loving well. As a person who loves people deeply and cares deeply, the thought that not giving constructive feedback means I'm not loving well broke my heart a bit. More so, knowing that others giving me feedback means I am loved broke my spirit in a whole new way.
The Lord spoke through my squad, straight to my heart, and broke me of my pride. He showed me how better to love, and be loved. He showed me why we make such a big deal about this feedback thing. Feedback isn't about saying "you bothered me when you did this," or "this thing you did offended/annoyed me." It's about saying "here is an area in your life where I don't see good fruit."
And now I love feedback.
Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
…but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
Ephesians 4:15-16
