I recently received an email from a friend at home, asking me some pretty convicting and insightful questions:
How does one give all of oneself? How does one lose control to be recklessly abandoned to loving others, to living as a signpost for Christ? How does one break down the walls and refuse to hold back? I think it's a matter of trusting Jesus, of remembering that fear might be easy while love is hard, but perfect love has cast out fear. And among those fears Love has cast out are the fear of not having enough, of not measuring up, of being unloved, of having one's heart broken, of swimming against the current, of standing alone.
Without having internet readily accessible, I laid in bed and wrote a response on my phone. I wrote everything/anything that came to mind. Opened up the floodgates and let it all out. I didn't even realize some of the things I had been contemplating until I reread my answer.
Living in pure abandon is something I am still wrestling to understand. You might think it'd be easy for someone who is living out of a backpack, roaming creation. But truly it's not an easy thing to surrender everything to The Lord. How I wish it was! But then again, where is the triumph and growth if overcoming were easily accomplished?
Surrender is a daily, constant decision I find myself having to make. And some days I chose the selfish, flesh-centered path. But on the days I lay myself aside and allow the Spirit to lead, He shows up and blows my expectations out of the water. I have discovered though that discipline is essential in choosing the Spirit. Let's face it, sometimes I am just not emotionally overwhelmed by God. We all face our valleys. In those times we still have a choice and He has given us that power to decide. Do I live for Him or for me? Even if I obey begrudgingly, I'm still obeying and He honors that. Of course, He'd prefer I obey joyfully but it's still obedience.
I've recently decided to memorize John 15:10, to remember each day that choosing to obey and follow His commands leads to His love. And abiding in His love. Resting in it. Surrounded by it. What a better way to live recklessly than to live in His love, in a state of continuous overflow? If each day I am seeking to be so filled by His love that I have no alternative to pouring that out onto others, those concerns that you listed fall by the wayside. There is no room for fear of man or self, no room for doubt or worry when God's extravagant love is rushing over you unceasingly! Abide in Me, in My love. How more simple could it be?
Simple, yet the enemy loves to tells us we can't do it. We can't give up control to abide in His perfect love because that means sacrifice. That means giving up earthly comforts. That means opening up yourself to the ridicule of the world. That means being a radical, being a potential outcast. That means dying to self. And that is the very last thing Satan wants us to do. He wants us to keep our focus on "number one," on self. He wants to complicate the issue, make us wrestle our flesh, over analyze ourselves into a stand still. Refuse his lies, girl. Make the decision to live in Christ's love. To die to yourself. To throw it all away in exchange for the ability to rest in His love and take on His yoke.
What better story can you possibly live than the one written by the World's only best-seller that has dominated the charts for so long, they don't even list Him anymore to give everyone else a shot at first place? There is nothing that can beat God's creative authorship. So don't settle for anything less than His masterful plan for you! It really is just that simple. Embrace it. Decide it. But recognize what you are signing up for when you do! No half-assing it. It's all in, or nothing. He will take you on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes it will hurt, sometimes it will be exhausting, sometimes it will be uncomfortable, sometimes it will stretch you in ways you never thought possible, sometimes it will show you ugly parts of your heart you never wanted to admit to. But, it is SO worth it. I say this as I lay in the dark with wicked stomach cramps in Kenya, sharing a room smaller than one I have ever had with three other people. I could make my life sound miserable to evoke pity and sympathy, selfishly. But ain't no body got time for that! I daily get to pour into people, love on them, live in honest Christian community, and see God change lives. So what if I've thrown up more this year than I have in my entire life? Nothing is a price too high to pay to experience His real love daily. It is so worth it.
Now as I write this the Holy Spirit is totally reminding me of the choice I have made and to stand firmly in that. So know that I am saying all this to myself, too! I am by no means an expert in any of this. Stand firm in His strength, love, grace, and mercy!
As I look to the future, the "post-Race" life, I have to remember that there is no place I would rather be than in my Father's love. Trusting Him with the details of everyday and the future.
While I write this, Kenya is in need of prayer. As is my hometown area of Washington, DC. It seems I can't avoid horrible shootings. Please be lifting up the families of those who have lost their lives at the Navy Yard shooting, and the shooting at Westgate Mall in Nairobi. It breaks my heart that such evils run rampant in every part of the world.
