“It’s not good.”
“I figured it wouldn’t be. What’s the damage?”
“It’s terminal. You probably need a new engine.”
Not the best way to start my Monday morning, with news that my car has had it. I had to leave our morning session to take the call from my mechanic. When I came back into the meeting room, one of our executives was talking to all of us in CGA about what it means to truly walk in the Lord’s provision, in our sonship and daughtership.
Immediate conviction.
I just spent the last 20 mins talking back and forth between my dad and the mechanic, terrified about what I’m going to do about this car mess. Why are you terrified? I asked myself before I even had the chance to acknowledge how I was feeling. Do you honestly think you won’t be provided for? How do I even respond to that? Truth is, I couldn’t. Everything in me was screaming from the stress and discomfort and fear. But my spirit was reminding me of the Father’s goodness, of His amazing provision, of His sovereignty over my life.
So I did what is oddly normal around here, I stood on my chair and proclaimed the truth that I know to be true.
I stood up and boldly told the room how frightened I am, how I want to rest in the promise that the Lord’s provision is over my life, but the discouragement was currently getting the better of me. I needed to defeat that discouragement by speaking out that truth, by saying it out loud so my community can keep me accountable to it.
After I got down off my chair, and wiped away the tears, one of my fellow CGA-ers brought our attention to Genesis 50:20 “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (NASB) If there is ever a story about trusting God’s crazy provision in hardship, it’s Joseph’s. The world does its best to knock us off course, to doubt the Lord’s goodness, to doubt His sovereignty, to push away from relationship with Him. Today, I’m not letting the world win. I am pushing down those lies and declaring His goodness, even if I feel like I’ve been thrown in a pit in the wilderness.
photo from the foothills of Nepal, Oct 2013
In other news: God has been revealing so much to me about what my future holds. I’d love it share it with any/all of you on a one-on-one basis. Please send me an email ([email protected]) and we can set up a phone date.
