So I haven’t listened to the song “What Sarah said” in quite
some time, probably back since I wrote “Ward 4” in Kenya. It just happened to
pop back up on my top rated music on my shuffle. After writing “Ward 4” I found
myself prone to skipping this song, since I usually tear up when I hear it, and
as I wear my heart on my sleeves, that means that I wear tears on my eyelids.
However, I was hand washing my laundry, I couldn’t actually skip it this time
since my hands were covered in soap and water. Turns out, soap and water aren’t
good for iPods.
So I found myself subjected to the powerful lyrics of this
song again, and if you have forgotten, let me remind you of what Sarah said,
exactly.
Sarah said, “Love is watching someone die.”
Super profound as always, Death Cab.
Yet today, I found myself thinking about who might watch me
die. Immediately, the enemy of our souls tells me, “You’ll probably die alone,
in the hospital, with some disease and there won’t be a soul who cares.”
I kind of shook my head in irritation, as I feel like the
closer I get to God, the more desperate Satan is at trying to take hold of my
thoughts. I guess he thinks that if he tells me something so ridiculous it
might just shake the hold God has on me, and I may start to doubt again.
Immediately, I responded with, “Whatever, Satan. Even if I
WAS alone in a hospital room, God would still be there. Idiot.” (I added the
word idiot for mere effect. I think I find a certain joy in trying to make the
devil as angry as possible.)
At that moment, I began to think about my wonderful Lord.
Jesus died, though his mother, Mary Magdalene, and John were there, pretty much
alone. There was the Centurion, who saw how the earth shook and the sky
darkened, and uttered one of the most direct declarations of faith I have yet
to come across, “Surely, this man was the son of God.”
The Centurion watched Jesus die, not because he loved Him,
yet somehow, it was because he
watched Jesus died that this Roman soldier was able to perhaps learn to love.
Maybe, that is the point. We as humans somehow skate around
the issue of death like some of us might just escape it. Yet there is that one
certainty of life, that when someone is born, they are going to die.
Is that a morbid thought? Perhaps for those of us who ignore
this FACT, yes. I think about death quite often, I find, and the thought
comforts me.
Why?
Because I have accepted it. There is nothing I can do to
escape it. No matter how much we try to be healthy, exercise, eat right, we
still break down. The natural law of entropy is forever against us. Call it the
fall. Call it Science. Call it whatever you like.
Just call it.
So what then? I think that the morbidity of the issue is
when we tell ourselves that this life is all there is. When we die, we cease to
exist. Or WORSE, as the Buddhists here believe, we are REBORN to another LIFE.
Another life that may have its pleasures (which Buddhists are forbidden to
desire) and its miseries (which Buddhists claim are a result of their former
lives) only to. . . that’s right. DIE. Again. And again. And yet once
more. I don’t know what is the greater crime,
dying once and ceasing to be or having to live another wretched life only to
die another death. . . until what? Until you cease to exist because the sun has
finally exploded and destroyed the earth? Yikes.
Or perhaps, we are made for more than this life. Maybe we
are created to actually have some purpose which carries over to the eternity
that we are pretty sure we can prove with mathematics. Maybe there is a reason
dying alone frightens us, and that’s why Satan tried to scare me this afternoon
by telling me I was going to die alone. You see, I think Satan knows I believe
in the safety of my eternal rest, and so the worst thing he could do is tell me
I was going to be alone when I enter it.
Jesus died alone. Why should I think I deserve any better?
And He died to make SURE I wouldn’t have to ever be alone again. The best part
about that, is I simply have to believe it.
Could finding one’s purpose have been any easier?
I think not.
So that was a completely random musing I decided to type out
for you. I hope it brings you some encouragement, maybe some clarity. I pray
that it may bring you one of the greatest things we can ever find as humans.
Love.
