I found out two nights ago that my Cousin Ashlee passed away from a drug overdose.
I’m here in Romania, wondering what is the point of a life? I can’t be there for my family at this time, so this is the letter that I am sending to my family, in hopes that maybe, this will be the last time one of us is robbed of our life by sin.
Nothing shouts louder to us about our mortality than the
death of a family member. Even more so when that person has passed so far from
the appointed days God has given us.
I remember when I signed up for the World Race, “11 months
is a long time.� People could die while I’m away. I never expected that to come
true.
Especially in such a tragic way. Yes, this was a tragedy. I
don’t want to dishonor Ashlee’s memory by being flippant about the way that she
passed away, but I do want to speak some truth into your lives that I believe
needs to be heard.
When our Grandma passed away, I spoke about how we are the
next generation that is facing death. I never thought that would happen so
soon. I don’t think any of us did.
But now reality is here again. We are faced with our own
morality. What is worse, we are faced with the reality of what can happen when
we choose to ignore the consequences of some of our actions.
Again, I am not here to smear, or tarnish Ashlee. I remember how I used to visit them when they
lived across from grandma. We used to play together the way all of us cousins
did. We were all so close. Sometimes I long for those days, when death wasn’t
so real and when joy came so easily, as it should to children. Laughter and
freedom are never so real to us as when we are kids. This is what Jesus meant when he said: “Let
the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to
such as these.”
Somehow, we grew up and ignored those words. We fell into
the darkness that surrounds our family history, that of alcoholism and drug use,
physical and emotional abuse. If this is
the first time you are hearing this, please forgive me if my words seem sharp,
but I don’t want any of us to be fooled. We all know that our lives are a
struggle to come out of the sins of our fathers. This is what sin does. It
traps, ensnares, and lies to us, telling us that there is no hope to break free
from the chains it has placed upon our wrists. We are doomed to continue in
this cycle of pain.
You cannot deny the truth of these words. Ashlee’s death BEGS us to not ignore this.
Each life lived on this planet isn’t without worth. Even
though our lives are quick and fleeting, even though our lives are but a vapor,
a mist, that is here today and gone tomorrow, it still has the potential to
have weight. If we look at this life we are given, and think it is nothing more
than that, a breath, then when God decides to breathe deeply, we will surely be
blown away. However, if we choose to bear the weight of eternity, to take into
the consideration how our purpose is so much more than these few years, then
even if God were to take hold of the earth and violently shake it, we shall
remain strong and steady upon the ground we stand upon.
We have two options, my dear beloved family. We can continue
on, thinking we aren’t called to greatness, and try to press on in our own
strength. We can attempt to fight the tide of YEARS of spiritual oppression the
enemy has trapped us in, and foolishly believe our end may fare better than our
dear Cousin.
OR
We can admit we are helpless to our own sinful nature. We
can ask God to release us from the slavery of our bondage to the things that
lead us down a path of darkness. We can choose to fight the lies that tell us
there is no hope for our lives, that we AREN’T meant to be free of the weight
of our own sin.
You all have told me at one point or another that you are
proud of me, you are proud of the decisions I have made with my life. You wish
that you could do the things that I do, like this trip that I’m on now.
Don’t you see, that it is not by my own strength of
character or might, or even by my own nature? If it were not for Jesus
completely changing my life, the scars on my past would run so much darker than
your own. God has called us all out of darkness. The only difference between me
and you is that I have chosen to listen, and He has gently lifted me out of my slavery.
You can have this hope too. You can put your trust into our
God, who is Mighty to Save, or you can continue in your own way, and pray that
it comes to a gentler end than our dearly loved Ashlee.
I love you all dearly, and I pray for you. May you be
encouraged and challenged by my words. I wish I could be there with you all
during this difficult time, and if continents didn’t separate us, I would be.
If any of you want to contact me to speak more of this,
please do so.
Much love and peace.
Your Cousin,
Kirsten.
