“Yet I hold this
against you: you have forsaken your first Love. Remember the height from which
you have fallen! Repent, and do the things you did at first. If you do not
repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place.”
Revelation 2:4-5
How far I had fallen.
I knew it too, because I just couldn’t get into reading the
Bible anymore. Nor could I pray to God at length, because I had simply run out
of things to say. I remembered what it was like when I first had surrendered my
life to God. It was a glorious feeling, even when those kids in my 8th
grade journalism class made fun of me when I told them I had become a
Christian. They laughed so hard and my heart broke inside. My parents, even,
became very upset with my Aunt, because they felt like my Aunt had somehow
“collected” me into her cult, that being the Cult of the Nazarine.
I really didn’t care. I remember feeling alive, and
passionate about what I had chosen to believe in. I would read my Bible every
night and pray for what felt like hours.
And now, I struggle to remember that passion. Jesus’ Love
had been so forgiving, so complete, so new
that I felt like my heart had been thrown into the darkest of thunderstorms
only to be juggled by a constant flow of lightning. It was glorious. It was
hard, and it hurt, but it was glorious.
I haven’t been this excited in a long time. Nothing has made
me this eager in so many years. I’ve taken many trips, been to many different
places on missions, and even left my heart in one. Yet there is something about
this trip, the World Race, that has electrified my soul to the point of feeling
like the edges of my being have been singed from getting too close to the fire.
I continually pray to God for wisdom and favor. The moment I feel as if I have
nothing to do, my mind remembers my bible instead of the TV remote. I hear
about amazing things happening around the world, like my Church’s mission trip
to Columbia, where people are being HEALED and DELIVERED from demonic forces,
and I so eagerly want to experience that for myself.
I’ve even wanted to fast. Wanted to fast. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love food.
I’ve NEVER wanted to fast in my ENTIRE life. And now it is something I want to
partake in, almost like new hobby. “Oh you like to knit? Well I like to fast in
my spare time.” Who does that?? To be perfectly honest, I have yet to do so…
but I know it is only a matter of time.
I hope this isn’t a fad. I hope and pray that I have
remembered my first Love. . . one that I know will never return empty. I hope
that this fire has been replenished with heavy logs of oak rather than a quick
douse of gasoline.
What does a lampstand do, anyway? It burns and gives off
light. If our lights die out, why should we expect God to keep us where we are
when we are doing no good to Him? If we are not illuminating the darkness, then
we have merely become a part of it. Darkness consumes everything unless a light
is manifest. Then the darkness must flee because it cannot overcome the light.
It’s simple Physics people.
So with that, I encourage you. . .find the romance again. If
you’re feeling like the Love has run out of your relationship with God.
Rekindle that flame. I don’t know how to do that for you, it’s something you’re
going to have to figure out on your own. But find the excitement again. Then
never let it leave.
