Owning My Story-Part 2

I took a quote from Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly, and tweaked it as my own declaration. Every morning I recite, “I choose to dare greatly today, knowing the courage to be vulnerable is often uncomfortable, scary, and heightens my risk of getting hurt, but I will not stand on the outside of my life looking in and wonder what it would be like if I had the courage to show up and let myself be seen.” To let yourself be seen, known, loved, and cared for when you feel like a complete mess and so undeserving is not easy. There were times when I would rush through the grocery store out of fear of running into someone I knew. I refused going shopping with my Mom because I couldn’t bare the thought of trying on one more clothing item that didn’t fit me. I even put off going to see my dentist because the last time he saw me he complimented me on my weight loss and I surely did not want to go back there 35 pounds heavier. That’s shame and it is paralyzing. I disconnected from people because I didn’t think I was worthy of their time and energy. There were several days when I wouldn’t leave my house because I didn’t want anyone to see me.

 

 

Thankfully, I’ve decided to turn away from these self-destructive habits and ways of thinking and press on to a new season of choosing to love myself well. The lies, “I’m not good enough. I’m a failure,” run through my mind on a continual basis.  But PRAISE GOD for the TRUTH that I am a new creation in Christ, set free from sin, and cleansed by the blood of Jesus.  I am imperfect and I am enough.

 

I am learning more and more each day about my true value as God’s daughter, that I am not defined by the scale or the size pants I wear. In this season I’ve been discovering the JOY of embracing who I am, not who I think I should be or what I should look like, but ME, right in this very moment. Over the past several weeks I have listened to the song, ‘Beautiful Things’ on repeat. (the version sung by Audrey Assad)

I keep praying: “Lord, I want to believe these words to be true, that you really can make something beautiful out of me-a girl who has eaten out of the trash can, a girl who has made herself sick with the sin of gluttony, a girl who wept as she put her clothes in a trash bag because they no longer fit, a girl who is scared for people to notice her because she’s afraid of what they’ll think when they look at her. Yes, Lord! I believe YOU can make something beautiful out of my mess.”

God did some crazy awesome things in and through me while I was on the World Race but GREATER things are coming. I am learning to embrace my Kingdom beauty, potential, and identity. The process has been hard but SO worth it! “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”-Romans 8:28

Joyce Meyer often says, “Let God turn your mess into your message.” Soon after I came home, I felt like God told me, “Kirby, there’s a message I want to EXPLODE out of you, to reach women who are caught up in bondage to food, perfection, insecurity, and low self-worth, but I want you to believe the truth that you are set free first.” I firmly believe that God will graciously give me opportunities to speak life, hope, and freedom into women.

What is a message of hope that God is compelling you to share? Own your story and let it be heard.

*If you or anyone you know struggles with binge eating, secret eating, body image/insecurity, please contact me. I would love to talk and pray with you! You are not alone! It is for FREEDOM that we have been SET FREE.