I've been in Carrefour, Haiti for 8 days now and daily life looks a lot different than anything I've ever experienced. Our house is an open house for the kids and teenagers to hang out at. I wish I could say that having an “open house” is easy for me but to be honest, it's been very difficult. I like to come home and separate myself, at least for a little while, from our daily ministry.Little kids running around me throughout the day always wanting to play is not my ideal “home” environment. I grew up with one older brother. We were both quiet kids and I had no problem spending the entire day alone in my room. Even in college, I relished time spent alone and considered it a gift that whenenver I pleased, I could separate myself from my roomates by going into my room and shutting the door. Month 2 has immersed me in an environment I've never known, or even desired.
On day 2, I woke up in a bad mood and during my alone time with the Lord, I began to journal about everything that was uncomfortable and difficult for me. Now I see the benefit of being honest about your feelings, whether these are written or spoken aloud, but I was completely focusing on everything that was lacking here instead of choosing to dwell on how God was blessing me and my team. Right before breakfast, our team was asked to move our sleeping pads into the room where all of our packs are located (there are multiple rooms, blessing #1) so the floor could be mopped. I went in the room and laid on my sleeping pad and the door was propped open a little so I could see sweet Tamara mopping the floor. As I laid comfortably,I was reminded of all the ways I have been abundantly blessed in this new, foreign place. The floor I walk on is being mopped. All of my meals and laundry will be taken care of. We have 2 extra bedrooms that I can go into, shut the door, and have some alone time. I even discovered a little nook underneath the stairs that's an ideal spot to read and take in the breeze from outside. More and more blessings were continuing to come to my mind and after I wrote the words, “I think God is going to use this month to teach me…”one my teammates came in and told me breakfast was ready. Bananas and eggs. My favorites!
After breakfast, I decided to continue journaling. I needed to finish the sentence I left off at, only, I was a little afraid to write down what the Lord was ultimately convicting me of. I stared at the incomplete sentence for a couple minutes and then finished it with, “how to give up my rights.” At training camp, we learned how the World Race culture is about giving up what we feel entitled to. I think I have the right to live in a house that's peaceful and quiet all the time. I think I have the right to pick and choose what and when I want to eat. I think I have the right to sleep in an air conditioned building. Before the race, I could pick and choose what/when I wanted to eat. Before the race, I could sit for hours without anyone interrupting me. The Lord is speaking loud and clear, “Give up those rights. Prefer and consider your teammates and allow me to teach you how to love well in the process.”
Yes, it's a process, a really hard process. Thankfully, I have 4 incredible teammates who help me, teach me, correct me, and encourage me. I need their prayers and support but I also need yours. Please pray that I would choose to be grateful. Pray against irritability and annoyance whenever I am surrounded by people. Lastly, pray that I would be fully present this month in Haiti. Thank you! I value your prayers and support tremendously!
