The Struggle is Real.
A common saying, especially here on the race. Life is a struggle. Anyone who told you other wise, well they weren’t the most honest of people. No one endures a total carefree life full of rainbows and flowers. It isn’t possible.
At home there are struggles going on. My mentor just currently got out of surgery for breast cancer. (She is doing well.) Two of my very best friends are going for surgery this year. Two of my team mates had grandparents pass. At home, there are struggles. Many struggles. That’s life. I can argue that it is the part of life that sucks.
So in light of life’s struggles I wanted to take a second to let the people at home know the struggles that we have here on the race. If you are thinking about become a future Racer, listen up!
Lack of privacy is a struggle on the race. That can be a big one for me. Not only do you have to share your space with five other people, you have to share your emotions with those people. They see you cry and lash out in anger. These people see every form of you. So much so you begin to wonder if any part of you can be private again. Com’on lets be honest. There are some secrets that you only ever wanted to share with one other person. A future spouse maybe. Just one person and God that knows you inside and out. Instead imagine five people knowing everything. You begin to feel exposed, like a open wound. That’s a struggle. A current one that I’m in.
Loneliness is struggle. You may ask… How can you be lonely with five other people around you all the time. I’ll tell you how. When things happen at home there is no one there to comfort you in a way that is a familiar. The only person that can understand the gravity of the situation is me, myself, and I. And it’s hard to allow yourself to break down when the comfort you seek is half a world away.
Homesickness is a struggle. Not really missing the place, but the people. Relationships in truth are the only things that truly matter in this world. A big majority of the relationships that I had at home I needed to put on hold, but that doesn’t alway work. Life goes on without you. That’s a hard truth to accept. Not only will I have changed, but everyone and everything will have changed when I get back. The life that I knew no longer exsists. Welcome to the new.
Failure is a struggle. I’m stubborn and for the first half of the race I was so determined to finish. There is always those doubts in your head that tell you “You can’t do it.” Those thoughts and comments never set well with me. I’m not a fan of anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. Lately it’s been more about finishing this race changed. More physically changed to be honest. What if I don’t meet my own expectations that I’ve set for myself or the expectations of others. I desperately don’t want to add another failure to the already long list that accumulates with life.
Loving in abundance is a struggle. Usually people call it grace. Grace is a struggle. I generally think that I’m a patient person, but that is truly tested when living in community. People grow and learn at different paces and living with people who sometimes take baby steps is frustrating.
Loving from a far is hard too. How can you maintain a deep relationship with your inner circle if you’re not in the circle? You miss out on new inside jokes and the stupid everyday things.
So as a Racer, how do you counteract these struggles? Quitting isn’t an option. Staying on WIFI and never really leaving home isn’t an option. How do we endure?
The answer to all these things is the simplest of Sunday School answers. Jesus.
My favorite verse for this journey has quickly become James 1:2-4.
“Consider it great joy my brothers and sisters when you face trials of many kinds. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do it’s complete work so you will be mature, lacking nothing.”
My relationship with the Lord allows me to endure. He is testing my faith because He wants me to mature in it. He is showing me “Yes, this is hard. Yes, my princess, I’m still here with you. You’re not alone.”
I think that the greatest thing about our Savior is that he is never changing. Even when everything changes He stays the same. He is in the midst of these struggles. Very few people choose to wander into the wilderness with God. Even fewer stay and allow Him to change you. I had no idea that this is what I was doing.
I’m in the wilderness fighting for my relationship with God through every struggle. It’s HARD! It’s EXHAUSTING! And it’s going to be WORTH IT!
How do I know for sure? I don’t know. I’m just trusting in God that all this won’t be for not.
If you’re in the wilderness or you dare go there, I salute you. It’s the hardest and most fulfilling thing you’ll ever do.
Thank you all who have sacrificed for me to be here. It will never go unnoticed.
With Gratitude,
Kirbie Head, World Racer
