Greetings Reader,
This blog issued to me by the wonderful people at Adventures in Missions was created so I would have a place to document and write about my journey around the world; however at the beginning of this adventure, there isn’t much to write about. So I thought that I would write about me; my thoughts, opinions, and ultimately my relationship with Him, the God of the Ages. Don’t worry, I will be posting about my preparations for The Race and my upcoming training camp, but there is much more to a life than the physical part of it. I want to use this blog as a sort of therapeutic outlet. A way for me to prepare mentally and spiritually of what I will witness and face during The Race. I’m not naive to the fact that this will probably be the hardest thing that I will endure. I will fall short in many different ways, but I know for a fact that God uses His weakest, the ones that might me be the least worthy, to awaken the strong.
I chose the title of this blog because I think it’s the best way to describe myself. A Following Failure. Most can relate. No matter how hard we try, we consistently fail over and over again. This speaks volumes to me. Usually failure is a negative thing. I know that in my past I felt like it was the only thing I was good at. Failing. I never lived up to the expectations that were placed in front of me. I either didn’t care enough to put forth the effort or cared too much and ended up receiving an undesirable result. Throughout my childhood and the beginning of my teenage years disappointment and I were good friends. I felt like I was trying my hardest to get back up after stumbling, only to have someone or something ready to knock me down again. In every avenue of my life I was being held down. My school work was unsatisfactory (or nonexistent), my family was crumbling around me, and being overweight was never earning me any points. I couldn’t catch a break. Nothing felt easy and that’s exactly what I wanted. The easy way out. I didn’t want to have to work so hard at being perfect because it was obvious that I was never going to get there.
Like I’ve said in my earlier post, I was raised in church. I knew God existed. I never objected to the fact that He was there and that He loved me. I was told all my life that He does. (John 3:16) I mean that was the first verse I was taught to memorize. I knew that God loved me, but knowing and believing are two very different things.
When I was 16, right after I moved to North Georgia, I went on a youth retreat. That was normal. I had gone the last two summers so nothing new was to be expected. That weekend I became fully aware of who God was and what I wanted Him to be for me. In an instant my mindset changed. I was able to view myself in a completely different way. Don’t get me wrong, I was still a failure. My past hadn’t changed, but God showed me how being a failure can be so liberating. I didn’t have to be perfect. I didn’t have to be the smartest, the skinniest, or the favorite child. I didn’t have to fear failing because I had someone to save me. That night I realized that I wasn’t too far gone. I never would be. I was worth NOT giving up on.
For those of you who have never come to that conclusion or maybe you don’t even believe in God that’s cool. I’m just telling you my story, how I found self-worth. Not in myself, but in My Lord who showed me worth. Please don’t let someone else’s opinion sway you about whether or not there is a God. Do your research and decide for yourself. We are in an age where we have creditable information at our fingertips. Make your mind up on your own, whatever it may be.
Just about everyone can agree that there comes a time in your life where you have to branch out on your own. The faith of your parents can’t guide you anymore. You as an adult have to make up your own mind of what you believe. You have to decide on who you are, where you’re going, and what is it that you want to represent. Then and there I decided that I believed in the God I was raised to rely in. No one made the decision for me. It was mine and mine alone.
When I grabbed ahold of God my life was changed. I still fail more than I would like to. I struggle to love people that I feel is unworthy of my love. (John 13:34) I struggle with being meek and with selfishness. I still constantly fail. I’m probably the best failure ever, but this failure follows the flawless. I will give my life to the one who saved it. It’s only fair. So here I go. Following where you call. Deeper than I can reach, higher than I can soar. I would surly fall short if He wasn’t there to guide me.
I’m extremely grateful for all for the support and prayers. They will never go unnoticed.
Thanks for reading,
Kirbie Head, World Racer
