Greetings Reader,
This month in Cambodia was difficult, I’m not going to lie. Even though we spent a lot of time in worldly comfort I found myself dissatisfied with how I was spending my time. My new team and I stayed in Phnom Penhn, the capital, and worked with a wonderful ministry named Bykota House. In this ministry we worked with children, preteens, and special needs kids. We watched movies, had dance parties, taught bible stories, and worshiped together. It was fantastic, but at the end of the day I still wasn’t filled.
As I’ve stated before in my previous blogs, I’m a good starter, but a horrible finisher. During this month I prayed little and read my bible even less. I spent my freedom listening to the voice of “want” and tuned out my Savior completely. Towards the end of the month when I began preparing for my team time I dove into God’s word and He gave me some great insight. (See previous blog.)
The following days after my Godly epiphany I was diligent in pursuit of what he asked of me. It felt great to further my walk, but I couldn’t help wonder why I don’t do that more often. Why didn’t I pursue God every day? The easy answer is to say I’m forgetful or even lazy, but I know myself… it was deeper than that. I just couldn’t figure out why.
After my team left Phnom Penhn we met up with the rest of our squad in Siem Reap. We spent two days resting, visiting, and having different sessions to help us prepare spiritually for our continued journey. During one session my squad leader was speaking on ‘Hearing the Voice of God.” She explained that it was a six stage process and encouraged us to pick a stage and dive deep with the Lord. I chose the third stage: Dependence.
As I dove into what it look like to fully depend on God I was reminded of the Sermon on the Mount. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” I always wondered what that really meant and as I dug deeper it was revealed to me. Blessed are the ones that depend on God for everything. The ones who realize that every good thing is a blessing from our Heavenly Father. We earn nothing. It is all given to us by a gracious and generous King. “He gives and takes away.” As the lyrics go.
The weight of this lesson didn’t hit me until I was talking it out with a friend. I’ve been told many times that God gives me power when I speak. I’ve been told that I’m wise for my age and I’m a good leader… so why wasn’t I in a place of leadership? The Lord slapped me in the face with His answer.
I realized that I was dependent upon my own wisdom. I didn’t seek the Lord’s counsel in situations that I thought that I could solve. By ourselves we can only grow so much and I had reached the end of these self- taught lessons.
My wisdom is nothing compared to the God of the ages and I need to abandon the sinful pride that can creep in with knowledge. I’ve come to know that I don’t need to be a leader. I just need to allow God to lead. So from now on, every day, I will start my day with this prayer:
“Heavenly Father, your wisdom is greater than mine. Let me live today by your wisdom and not by my own merit. For I am desperate and fully dependent upon you.”
Thank you all who have sacrificed for me to be here. It means more to me than you will ever know and it will never go unnoticed.
With Gratitude,
Kirbie Head, World Racer
