“Why am I here?” was the question that was floating around my mind last Thursday morning.
To first give you a little background, my first couple weeks here in Mae Sot, Thailand were rough and very challenging. I liked being in Mae Sot but I had little desire to engage in any form of ministry. I often found myself thinking of ways to just do the bare minimum to put in my time for the daily ministry and be done as soon as I could be. One of the hardest things for me was feeling like the odd one out.
Almost all my squadmates around me have absolutely loved being here and they have loved every part of this month from the ministries we’ve been a part of to having world race alumni as hosts to biking being our main mode of transportation. I have liked all those aspects of this month as well, but I have really struggled to jump fully into each day’s plans. Each day I had to make a conscious effort to engage fully, to not “check out” but to give my best. I didn’t really want to do much of anything but sit around. I hated feeling that way. I hated feeling no passion for this place or for the people around me but I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling.
And last Thursday morning was one of my hardest moments when the question came to my mind: “Why am I here?” I questioned why I was here on this trip when I was feeling no passion and felt no desire to do anything. But the Lord wouldn’t allow me to stay in that mind set. He wasn’t going to let that question take root in my mind or heart. And He did it through a sweet little boy in a small, poor looking village.
I went into the village that Thursday morning with the thought in the back of my mind of just putting my time in for the day. I was handing out flyers for an upcoming event with part of my group and I started playing with a little boy, like about age 3 or 4. I enjoyed our few minutes together but then I had to move on so I said goodbye, smiled and kept walking. I walked down the road a few minutes and when I had turned around I saw a familiar little face. My little friend had followed me down the road! I waved and then my group started to head back to our bikes to go to another village. As I started to walk, I reached out to my new friend and his little hand took mine. My heart immediately leapt with joy and as I looked down at him I heard the Lord whisper to me:
“This is why you’re here Kira, to love the children like him, to share My love with them.”
It was in that moment, as small at it may seem, that God got through to my heart and He renewed me right then and there. He filled my heart with love and joy and He gave me a passion for the people here that I hadn’t felt since arriving in Mae Sot. And He did it through a just a few moment with a dear, sweet little boy. God used that little guy to remind me that regardless of how I’m feeling or what I feel, I am to always share the love of Jesus with all those I meet in my journey in life.
And that is why I am here.
