Well, life has been so crazy recently. I will give you all a little taste of what’s happened so far. Friday, I arrived at training camp & met ALL of my fellow World Racers. Friday. Today is Monday. I have only been with these people for just a couple days, but I feel as though I have known them for so much longer. They are my new family & they are amazing! Every single one of them! I have cried, I have laughed, I have gotten frustrated, & I have seen God do great things. I want nothing more than to leave for the Race right now!
Here is what I would like to share:
Last nights session was about grieving. God used this time & Matthew 5:4 to really speak to my heart. Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” It was a time to talk about mourning & a time to allow our hearts to do so. Ahhh! I just couldn’t handle it anymore! My heart that is. Hadn’t I mourned enough?
The hurts that I remember…the recent ones, the old ones, how do you make it stop hurting when you still remember the things that were never made right, never validated…ever. These memories are ingrained in my mind. But, how do I go thru this, without being stuck in it. I think things like, “Am I not letting this go?” Or “Am I easily attached to people?” I just broke last night & went right to some of the staff for prayer. Two friends/AIM people prayed with me & helped me hear what God had to say about it–And He had a lot to say.
One thing that I will share about that time is the state of my heart. I honestly feel like my heart was nothing but shattered pieces for most of the year. And if you know me, you know–you could see it on my face. If you know me, you know I feel joy & happiness in great bounds. Pain & hurt…I feel those in great bounds too. An unfortunate blessing I suppose. The stronghold of pain is like an unwelcomed friend. And when darkness is all you’re familiar with, it’s hard to see what God wants to show you. But, last night I saw what He wanted me to see & part of it was spoken thru my friend. She told me God wanted me to have a new heart. A BRAND NEW HEART! Why didn’t I ask for that? A heart that wouldn’t make vows like, “I will never let anyone hurt me like that again.” A heart that was not dead. A heart that was not trying to just make it thru the day. I wanted a heart that was whole again. New. And all that I had to do was ask God for it.
After leaving my two friends, I went off to be alone. For over half-an-hour I cried & He listened. After that, I didn’t need to cry about any of it anymore. Most of the pain went away & I left that room feeling like I had a new heart. Today, all day, I still feel like I have a new heart. And tomorrow, I think I will wake up, & my heart will be just fine. To conclude, that is what God has done in the last 24 hours. I now it’s time to crash. Man, I love it here! I love being thirsty for God. I love my squad. I love the leaders here. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Lord!
