AWOL

 

If I could sum the month up, I would say no day has been the same. We have been working, with the help of our translators, in a collection of different ministries while we are here in Vietnam. Ministry wise, the month has been amazing! Some of the things I have gotten to do is visit the orphanages, feed the disabled, offer prayer to Vietnamese believers here, & so much more. My favorite time of ministry has been the time I have shared with Vietnamese college students. I have a heavy heart for them & I have noticed a part of me operates best when I am around them. I just love them! Visiting a college campus, we have had the opportunity to go into their classrooms & ask them all kinds of questions. Questions about school, life, religion, etc. There exists such an openness when asking & answering questions w/Asians that I just love every bit of time I have w/them!

I have been busy spending time in ministry, but also spending time learning the culture of Vietnam. Visiting churches, temples, & museums have been such a learning experience. However, when we first arrived, we had orientation. Not just a formal orientation, but certainly one that we were not expecting. We learned quickly about the hotel which we were staying, is also a place for business–not an honorable business–for the entire 1^st floor is devoted to prostitution. I have been living 3 floors above it & the effects have been evident. For the first few days, we had the pleasure of a black light in our room & discovered the thoughtful condom to go with it laying under our bed. Being in that room was hard, but even after changing the light & praying over the room every night, there still exists a heaviness.

I was noticing throughout the month I was growing more & more quiet. Different situations & different days, but overall I was almost choking. Being around 32 people was starting to wear on me more than I realized it was. Then, I realized I had to speak up & share what was going on w/me. I shared how I felt I had left who I was, my identity, all the way back in America 2 months ago. Kira was just going along for the ride–this World Race ride. After sharing this, admitting a lot of my problems had to do w/fear, I became ill. That night & after for 4~6 days was a nightmare. During this time of sickness, I had dreams that were mostly scary & I they made me very anxious. The next night I tossed & turned, crying as my head hurt more & more. I was scared to even open my eyes in the dark because of the growing awareness of evil I was getting. I finally realized I could not be in that room anymore. It was about 4 AM & as I was leaving the room, I remembered their had to be @ least 2 people on my squad that would be up praying in the stairwell. Turns out I had a fever so medicine in place + lots of rest = soon I would be all better. So, the next night I decided it would be ok to sleep in my room again. Guess what happened? I woke up again in the middle of the night w/shooting pains in my stomach. The pains came & went for days. My roommates covered me in prayer & hung verses all along the walls, even on the ceiling, just for me! I remember thinking maybe someone in Vietnam had a voodoo doll of me & they were stabbing it as often as they liked. It sucked. 

 

Then, a conflict happened while I was sick & it was more than I could bear. The situation happened while I was in my bedroom. I had just woken up from sleep for people to come in & pray for me, mostly my team. After the situation during the prayer time occurred, I spent the next day praying about it (thankfully, I was almost all the way healed up) but it was now time to talk to the team. I shared how being sick is not only hard in itself, but much harder when all anyone around you is doing is praying over you to be healed–to be fixed right then & there. After about the 3^rd time people prayed for me, I was getting frustrated. They would say I was healed & but I was still in pain afterward. It was not encouraging. I started to feel oppressed with it all (days of this) & pressured to proclaim truths that I did not feel I could at the time. The more of this I was getting, the more shut-down I was becoming. All anyone was doing to help me was mostly making me feel awful & even more alone. I just wanted to spend time w/someone, have them walk w/me in the hard stuff, & not only give me truth, but allow me time for the truth to be repeated & soaked in. How do you say this when a crowd of people are over you praying for your healing? I have a hard time speaking up in a situation like this–I just was feeling peer-pressed & I just wanted to be alone w/God & rest! I shared this & about the situation…it was the hardest thing our team had to handle. Good communication, understanding, & listening on both sides were not happening. In that moment, I realized I had lost trust in some people on my team & did not believe they loved me. This was awful b/c when I realized this, the next thought came which was, “Well then…what the **** are you doing here?” I was so hurt & dismayed I wanted a day to just get away. So, I left. For 1 day, Kira was Kira & was not a “WRacer”. My teammate Kara stayed w/me in a hotel & the next day, my dear friend/accountability partner Marissa joined us. This time away was AMAZING!!! It was so restful. I had a good quiet time w/God & finally felt peace. I was blessed to have Kara & Marissa there by my side & I received every nugget of truth God gave them to give me.