I had a revelation this month, God taught me a big fat lesson and there was crying involved.
We got to Serbia, I was cold, I was exhausted, and I was hungry. The house behind the church where we’re living is beautiful, newly remodeled, we each have our ‘own rooms’ (guys, girls, Britton’s) a living room and a spare that has been turned into our workout room, one minor detail; no heat. Since the radiators hadn’t been installed, we were walking around looking like Joey from friends, the episode where he puts on ‘everything [Chandler] owns’.
The second day we were here, we didn’t have water. It’s happened at least once a week since, we haven’t figured out what’s going on, except for one day out of the week we’ll know the water will be out all day…
Living with goose bumps the size of the Rocky Mountains, I was daydreaming of a happier time. I went into shut down mode. I contemplated leaving multiple times, ‘it would be so much easier at home, clothes, family, car, food, space, don’t have to answer to anyone, independence’, all these thoughts running through my mind. Keeping everything bottled up, I started getting really moody. In feedback I kept being told to ‘find joy’, ‘push through’, ‘my attitude effects everyone’.
One evening, it happened, I had a meltdown, major meltdown #2 of the race, the first being in China. I talked it out and told my team I was miserable and it’s so much easier at home because I don’t have to answer to anyone. If I’m in a crap mood my fam just avoids me and eventually I get over whatever I’m under, or they act ridiculous and make me laugh to forget whatever I’m fretting over. After the session,
I was the room with the girls and it dawned on me, if I was home I wouldn’t have to DEAL with anything. I would just get OVER it, without working THROUGH it! Eeeek. “Okay, God, I can see what’s happening here. You’re telling me something huh?”
