I took a little trip down memory lane today. Headed to my alma mater with my sister to watch Pom tryouts, yep, we’re just THAT cool! No. Anyone who watches MTV is probably familiar with their ‘I want to be Made’ show. I guess a student from Carl Albert signed up to be Made into a CAHS pom girl! Both of us being pom girl alums, Lace and I wanted to go check it out.
that would be me and my sister
I felt really old walking into the field house, twilight zone. I wasn’t a big fan of high school, I was really really REALLY shy. …anyone who knows me now wouldn’t believe it, but yes, I only spoke to my friends and I had a huge label of being stuck up because seriously I spoke to no one that I didn’t know already, very strange (very miserable).
Anyway, watching all these young teens interact with each other and seeing their body languages and how they dress, etc, just took me back to how I felt when I was that age; so insecure, had to have the ‘cool clothes’ so I could be ‘popular’, and basically just tried to ‘fit in’. I feel like no matter who you are being accepted is a universal feeling; everyone wants it.
I don’t have cable so I never watch tv, but another show I like by MTV is called ‘If you really knew me’…wow…seriously a powerful show, MTV finally got one right with that one. You’ll have to google an episode if you’ve never seen it. I love it because it’s so raw, so real, so genuine.
At Falls Creek last year during one of our small group sessions my kids really wanted to do the whole ‘if you really knew me you’d know….’ and wow, I was bawling by the end.
‘if you really knew me you’d know I’m living with my grandma because my dad’s in jail’
‘if you really knew me you’d know my brother is a recovering addict’
‘if you really knew me you’d know I wanted to commit suicide when I was in the 7th grade…’
Just seriously gut wrenching statements coming from these kiddos. I left that small group session with a different outlook: Pain is for real. Facades are for real. Fake ‘I’m fine(s)’ are for real.
I can’t help but look at these teens now and just society in general without wondering ‘what would I ‘really know’ about them if ‘I really knew them’…because we’ve all got something happening, ya know?
Which finally brings me (I think) to my point…? (If I have one.. this blog is going somewhere I didn’t expect)
For whatever reason God has really been giving me a heavy heart about a newspaper article I read like 8 months ago. (I know right? 8 months!!!..I usually can’t even remember anything I read 8 seconds ago. …what am I talking about again?!… jk) Okay, so the article was on the front page and had a picture of 8 girls holding signs that read ‘2 of us have been/will be sexually abused’. Obviously when I read it I was blown away by the statistic but when I started thinking about girls I could come up with a handful of girls that I know who have..
So lately when there is a large group of girls congregating (like at a Pom tryout for example) that statistic pops into my head ‘out of these 100 girls 25 will suffer from sexual abuse’. I was looking at the WR page today, there are 47 girls going on this route with me…according to the statistic roughly 12 of us are victims…
So I’m not sure what God’s got brewing in me with all of this, but I do believe that He has put that ‘somethin somethin’ in each of our hearts that make us hurt/care more about something more than others normally would. Like for some, it may be orphans, genuine heavy heart for orphaned kids. Or homeless, genuine heavy heart for homeless, you get the picture; mine is sexual abuse.
So I guess if you really knew me you’d know my one absolute fear is a fear of being raped. (kind of out of left field huh? You were probably expecting a fear of spiders, being burned to death, what’s some more common ones?! Fear of bees??) But it’s true, I’m a pretty frail girl who let’s face it isn’t the strongest person on the planet. And I’m genuinely scared to death that someone has the capability to have that kind of power over another being.
One of the opportunities I might have while on the field will include interacting with sex trafficking victims. I’ve read a lot of articles over sexual abuse and just the mental abuse/brainwashing that victims suffer from, it’s really devastating to me. One of my squad mates posted this video and it really broke my heart…if you’re a visual learner like me this video will show you what’s really up:
(the video will be at the end, I don't know how to post it to this exact spot)
..So anyway, wow, I really didn't expect the blog to go in this direction…I guess when I'm forced to write on a weekly basis (cough*thanks family*) you never know what you're going to get..
my prayer to all women/men suffering from insecurities, abuse, depression; find comfort in the fact that He has made you exactly like He wants you 'you're worth more':
And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail-even
numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk.
You're worth more than a million canaries. – Luke 12:7(msg)
