Suffering and pain are starting to wear on my spirit lately. I journaled this prayer one late night in attempt to process the things I'm seeing and the lump that's been growing within me daily.
I need You here, so much happening, trying to understand…I feel the pain so deep it’s tearing me up inside. Why does this have to happen? Why are your precious creations being abused and violated? Their lives are forever changed.
I know all things work together for the good of Your plan, but I’m not seeing it Lord…where is your plan in this place?
I expected to see this but I didn’t expect to feel it so deep. I feel their every pain, every violation, and every thought. I internalize their struggles but still have no real bonding connection to their struggles?
So why have you put me here? I don’t know if I can handle all this anymore. Do I pray for You to desensitize? No, I pray for your protection, and guidance, because I can’t make it here another day without Your comfort every second. Show me hope, Lord, show me that you have a plan for this place, show me how to see things through Your eyes. I love you.
I really connect to God through worshipping and songs, the next day I was enjoying some time to myself when I felt God singing these words to my heart:
"And He set me on fire,
I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs,
I am coming undone.
Letting myself go, I am letting myself go.
You are my joy, You are my Joy, You are my JOY! YOU ARE MY JOY!
I need to catch my breath, I need to catch my breath, give me a moment now."
-You are my Joy, David Crowder
"In the chaos, in confusion
I know you’re sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength"
-None But Jesus, Hillsong United
“Arise, Jerusalem! Let your light shine for all to see. 
For the glory of the LORD rises to shine on you. Darkness as black as night covers all the nations of the earth, but the glory of the LORD rises and appears over you. All nations will come to your light;
 mighty kings will come to see your radiance.” – Isaiah 60:1-3
After hearing all these words from the Lord I came to conclusion that:
A Beautiful Collision is happening now.
Colliding with this place, with these people, with these teamates and with God.
In the choas and confusion He's colliding us into His beautiful and perfect plan!
SO EXCITING!
