“Do you feel pursued?” a Staffer asks me after our debrief session.
I’ve never met this woman before and we’ve only spent 2 days together, only just introduced to each other.
“I suppose I feel pursued…to a level…if I trust someone…but no, usually I don’t feel pursued.” I answer honestly, taken off guard.
“I feel like you have so many layers to you.” She puts a hand high and starts making a stacking motion downward. “You have so many different layers and so many different talents, that very few people know about.”
Slightly freaked out by her accurate description, I’m quickly enticed to hear more.
“You feel rejected because you’ve had people pursue you but they only make it to a few layers down and then usually bail, huh?” she asked.
I nod, a little chocked up thinking of everyone who I’ve pushed away or have seen some layers and didn’t stick around to see more.
“The cool thing is,” she continues, “you have the ability to take people through their layers. Some that they don’t even know they have. You bring light to new things in their lives because you pay attention to the layers, you don’t stop pursuing until you reach their soul. God has people for you,” she reassures me “just as you pursue others so thoroughly, He’ll bring you friends and a man who will stay and who will see the layers and he’ll see the depths of your soul and won’t ever let you go. When you find people who can reach to the deep inner layers, never let them go, keep them close to your heart and fight for them…”
Now I just stand there dumbfounded. “Thank you so much,” I manage to get out, trying not to let the tears break free.
To back up for a sec, our first squad debrief happened these last couple days. Staff from Georgia flew over to have sessions and debriefings with all the teams. One thing that I always struggle with during squad reunions is comparison and worth. I consider myself a confident woman but for some reason when I’m chillin in Africa heat sweating, a few pounds heavier from all the carbs I’ve had the month before, not quiet fitting in my clothes, I’ve only got one article of clothing that doesn’t totally reek, and seeing all these beautiful squadmates all dolled up with makeup and their hair fixed, depression gets the best of me.
The first day, Mike (looks just like Uncle Brian), our Staff Pastor who came with his wife, said for us to speak words. Ask God for a word and speak it. The word God gave me the first night was adequate. I am no less because I don’t have make up on or my hair fixed, because I’m feeling frumpy and rocking running shorts and a tshirt. My Lord instantly comforted me.
The next day we were asked to grab a friend and pray with them. I pray with Kat Law and tell her of my word and what I’m struggling with. She prays this prayer for me and says “the Lord delights in me and He romances to the depths of my soul”. How can I be sad knowing the Lord Himself is romancing me?!
Not really sure what my point is, but debrief was wonderful and the Lord put people in my life last week to speak to my soul. To see through some layers and help me heal some hurt hidden within. I’ve also discovered I thoroughly enjoy hospitality. I was chosen to be one of the three on the hospitality team for the staff. In turn, I was able to spend my days in the kitchen with Terry (woman of the house) and Tucker (her dog) preparing staff meals and cooking and talking our little hearts out. It felt like home for me. I love cooking and serving and preparing meals for people, mostly I love standing in a kitchen all day talking with women like I do back home. Either way, I look forward to the day I can cook in my apron once again and prepare meals for the people I love.
Me and Terry cooking in her kitchen, slightly blurry but you get the point.
(This was after I had my laundry cleaned and had yummy smelling clothes and feeling beautiful again)
