Nepal. The hardest yet best month.
We were assigned one of the most adventurous ministries on the race. It would probably be considered the epitome of what many people who love adventure and choose to do this journey would be expecting to do the whole year.
We participated in prayer walks, trekked in the Himalayas, lived without electricity or running water, visited various sites, hiked in remote villages in Chitwan National Park – the works. All of this accompanied sharing the Gospel and encouraging believers.
After spending a couple of days catching up with our squad, we adventured off to meet our host while he laid out all the above plans for us.
Next thing I knew – I was sick along with a couple other teammates. I’m gonna spare the details because… well… they’re not exactly appealing. It required an outpatient hospital visit, which actually made me feel better. Not to mention the nurse in me was thrilled to be around a little bit of medical care. It also required a couple days of rest for recovery once I returned to the ministry base. My diagnosis involved something that I wasn’t sure existed still outside of the Oregon Trail, and it wore me out.
The next day we headed off to Chitwan. We knew it was remote, and honestly if the bus ride had any say in what our next 10 days might look like, it involved no privacy or space, extreme heat and humidity and for me some serious rest due to still recovering from illness. Thankfully, I had my teammates helping me out and a whole other team with us. They were incredible and so was our host!
I rode on an ox cart to our new home for a week and a half. Thoughts went through my head about yokes – being equally yoked – and exactly how far back in time it was actually about to feel….
We arrived to a two story house made of wood – no electricity, no running water, an awesome chef for our time there, bug nets for our friendly neighborhood mosquitoes, squatty potties with bucket showers, and lots of inquiring faces.
Each day we hiked to different houses in the village and shared testimonies, preached, and lead a couple of worship songs. I would love to say that this always ran smoothly but that just wouldn’t be the truth. It did, however, result in some hilarious stories between 15 of us.
We’d come back from ministry literally drenched in sweat because the heat index was close to 120 degrees and people would scramble for rest and “showers”. I ended up staying back from ministry a few days because my body was still recovering from sickness and found myself extremely restless.
The heat did us in most nights unless it happened to rain, which usually resulted in the 3 people in my room scrambling quickly out of bug nets to close windows before we all got doused. I found myself struggling to sleep because of heat and humidity, a child that screamed and cried at the same times every night, not being able to catch my breath due to a cold, and honestly feeling anxious.
I am not opposed to rest but can also tend to push myself when my body needs a break. It drove me a little crazy watching my team leave for ministry while I stayed back to “rest.” There isn’t exactly much to do in this village anyway so resting literally looked like sitting around, reading if I had a book or books, journaling, and going to the little shop next door for a snack.
One day I told the Lord that I needed to do something so I sat downstairs on a wooden bench all morning and afternoon and drew the view that was out in our yard and past – mountains, houses, and all. It was simple and breathtaking. While that helped my restlessness for a bit, I found myself waking up at the same times during the night for a few days in a row – approximately 2 AM.
After having a conversation with some of my team about this every night occurrence, one of them asked me if I thought the Lord woke me up. I told him I’d considered that as a possibility, we laughed about it (not because we found this impossible but because all I wanted to do in those moments was to go back to sleep), and then decided if it happened again to ask the Lord what was going on in the moment.
So I went to bed, tossed and turned, and finally fell asleep – covered in sweat but free of mosquitoes. And it happened – 2 AM and I’m awake. Still not actually being that thrilled with my lack of sleep, I turned on my back, and asked, “What, Lord?” And as I groggily rested, I heard Him.
Will I be enough?
The question lingered in the air. I laid there, briefly pondering this and also knowing that it demanded an answer. I knew what the answer was supposed to be. Will He be enough? Really – will I allow Him to be enough? Because the truth is that He is enough in every way imaginable and unimaginable.
Is He enough for me in states of heightened physical discomfort?
Is He enough for me during restless days and sleepless nights no matter the cause of those things?
Is He enough for me during forced physical rest that I can still truly rest in Him, His goodness, and His plan and be content?
Is He enough for me when I’m sick and tired of being sick and taking medications?
Is He enough? And will I acknowledge that in my own heart and life?
I went back to sleep for a few more hours, woke up, and thought about that question just a little bit longer.
Allowing the Lord to meet us in times of discomfort, instead of holding Him at a distance because things feel unbearable, actually makes those things endurable – and not because He comes in every time and changes those circumstances. It’s because of who He is as God, His strength, His comfort, His love, and the perspective He offers us. He gives us everything we need to endure.
From my heart to yours,
Kim
