Currently sitting on a plane to Atlanta, Georgia about to start an eleven month journey of a lifetime. Somehow my mind had remained ignorant to the weight of this trip up until this past week. Packing everything up, trying to soak up time with people as much as possible, trying to wrap my mind around being away for eleven months began to weigh on me! This morning was probably the hardest. Waking up abruptly to a 3:30am alarm clock my first thought was oh my gosh, I’m scared.
That thought swirled in my mind for the whole two hour car ride to the Los Angeles as I held my mom’s hand. I replayed tearfully hugging both of my sisters and first bumping my brother for the last time. I watched the freeway exists pass one after another and I think wait wait wait, I am scared.
When I applied for the World Race, it was all excitement, adrenaline and anticipation. Training camp was a whirlwind of new friends and spiritual growth. Now that is a reality that I am leaving what is comfortable and putting all security in God alone, I am very scared! I must process fear after I make adventurous decisions. The overwhelming feeling of fear set in all over my body. My thighs, chest and arms all pulsed with fearful energy. I am leaving everything comfortable behind.
I hugged my parents one last time in line and waved one last tearful goodbye as I stepped out of sight into the line for airport security. I am now writing this as I soar over San Diego, watching my city disappear behind me.
On the ground waiting to take off the fear set in again, I am leaving so many people I love. I thought for one second what if someone in my family suddenly passes away? Can you imagine? I grabbed my iPhone and played the song Miracles by Jesus Culture. The chorus is a simple phrase: I believe in you. That simple phrase resonated in the deepest part of my soul and restful tears began fall.
I am scared yes, but the gospel is SO WORTH being scared for. My family all know and love Jesus, they are secure in his eternal love. Even if they all pass, I will see them again. This earth is not what binds me to them. It occurred to me that even death itself has no power, Jesus conquered it! What more is there then to be scared of? Fear is just a feeling, the war is won!
I thought of more song lyrics, “death could not hold you, the veil tore before you, you silenced the both of sin and grave”
The gospel is SO worth being scared over, missing people over and fighting for. The gospel is worth being uncomfortable for. The gospel is so worth anxiety in the car, the unknown of these eleven months and all the risk involved! I want everyone to have eternal security and know the love of Jesus TODAY. When I said goodbye to my brother I said “Hey, keep following Jesus! He smiled and replied, “Always.” I want more people to reply with an always. Knowing the amount of love I have for the people I left at home, how much more does the Father long for the people that do not know him. Can you imagine? Holy cow. The gospel is so worth it. Jesus is worth it. I am confident that the Lord’s love surpasses my fear and drowns it in perfect love, even when I am stuck right in the middle of it!
More song lyrics for you:
“You split the sea so I could WALK RIGHT THROUGH IT. My fears are drowned in perfect love. You rescued me so I can, STAND AND SING, I am a child of God.”
God I feel more than ever that I am walking right through the sea! But my fears are drowned in perfect love because you rescued me and I am a your child. God, so many people need to know you, so many people Lord. So many children, so many adults, so many people are searching. Win the hearts of your people through us! Protect me through the feeling of fear, remind me of how secure I am!
Forever and always, I believe in you.
