I had just eaten lunch in a small village in Mae Hong Son that we call home for the month. I laid down in Grace House, the church building in the village, and glanced back toward the home we eat meals in. I saw a caucasian man walk up and sit on the stairs. Although he appeared very out of place, he seemed comfortable in the village. He walked up the stairs, peeked his head in the back room and called for Elizabeth (our Thai host).
I watched him, finding the whole situation a little curious. By appearance only, he seemed like someone to avoid. He did not stand up straight and appeared very frail. He had no hair and red eyes. His skin was damaged in random patches and he wore purple gloves. I decided to go back to our guest house and not interact with him. But as I passed, something in me decided to engage. I introduced myself and asked where he was from. When he said Germany, I was intrigued. Having lived in Germany for three years as a young child, I love practicing what little German I have left with whomever I can. I asked him more questions rotating back and forth between German and English.
He told me that he stumbled across this village a couple of months ago on his quest to find the Long Neck people (the Long Neck village is near here). He spent a month living in the same guest house that we live in now and every now and again he revisits this village. He started traveling about a year ago after his girlfriend died of cancer. He has been all over Asia. He has been to Laos, India and Thailand to name a few. He said he wanted to travel because he did not want to be alone anymore. He told me this village was special and I agreed. He asked me if I was Christian, I said yes. I asked him the same, he said yes. He asked me to sit down, I said yes.
I spent the next three hours rotating between German and English (mostly English) conversing with Leon about the world, our lives and Jesus. After a while I lost track of time, it felt like sitting with a friend.
I asked about his family and he said that he does not have any family. Both his parents have passed and he does not consider his brother family. Growing up his brother used to beat him everyday so he has no relation with him whatsoever. His mother passed long before his father who also passed at the age of 93. His father fought in World War II and suffered from tuberculosis.
When he was 14 years old he was at a friend’s house and there was a huge gas explosion. He had to go through 22 operations in the hospital. He showed me scars on his face, arms, stomach and legs. He wore gloves because his hands were still mangled and sensitive. He was with two other friends in the explosion. One of his friends survived and the other committed suicide because the pain in recovery was too overwhelming and his wounds were too unsettling. He mentioned that he is well acquainted with suicide. He had two other friends growing up that committed suicide for different reasons.
In his travels, he has lost all of his possessions three times. One time his bag got stolen form him in Laos, another time he watched his bag drive away on a bus while he got off to pay, the third time it was stolen from him at night. He lost his phone, GPS, passport, drivers license, birth certificates, pictures of his parents, girlfriend, everything. He was able to receive new documents through the German embassy but never had a desire to acquire a new phone, watch or GPS.
He asked more about my life and I explained all about the World Race. He asked me what I want afterward. I told him that I love teaching, I want a family one day and I love sharing about Jesus. He asked me about my family and I shared that my father is an engineer and my mother works at a church. I told him all about my siblings and their passions. He said I reminded him of his mother. His mother was in love with Jesus and loved to teach young children.
Five minutes into his story, I could tell that this man’s heart was exhausted. I cannot imagine how much pain his heart has had to bare. They frailty of his physical body was an outward expression of his broken heart. This man was worn. Sometimes just by looking into someones eyes I can see their story, see their heart and see their pain. His bloodshot blue eyes were a window into his tired soul. My heart broke for him.
He told me that his mother’s death was the hardest thing for him. Speaking these words he hung his head and his eyes filled his tears. I felt his pain in that moment and I began to cry as well. He told me he would cry for days. He looked at me and said your parents are so young, hold on to them, love them, because one day they will be gone so fast.
At this my stomach dropped, I thought of my mom and dad back home. The idea of life without them is nothing short of gut-wrenching. However, right after that gut wrenching thought, I was reminded of the hope we have in Jesus. Even more tears filled my eyes, but they were different this time. These tears were tears of relief, hope and gratitude. I looked back at him and said, “You will see them again.”
There are certain moments where I tangibly see the gospel expressed in our lives, this was one of those moments. He looked back up at me and I saw his pain start to dissolve into hope. I said it again, “You will see them again.”
I told him his loved ones are at peace with the Father and he will be with them again soon. When we trust in Jesus, we will never be alone. When we trust in Jesus, we have Him now and forever. He looked back at me and said I hope so. I replied, I know so.
He repeated under his breath, “when we trust in Jesus.”
He started to talk about a verse in the book of Isaiah that he loves. He said he only knew it in German. When he recited the verse in German, I recognized it. I knew it was Isaiah 40:31. I ran and got my bible and read the verse to him.
“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.”
After I read it he started to laugh a loud, cheerful, relieving laugh. He thought it was so special that I knew the verse and that it was already underlined in my Bible. He laughed for a solid minute.
He mentioned that sometimes he gets mad at God. He said that after living 53 years seeing death over and over, sometimes it is hard to believe in a good God. I told him I completely understand. I read him John 16:33:
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
After I finished he hung his head, put one hand on his heart and grabbed my hand with the other. He looked at the words in my bible once more and closed his eyes.
I have always heard that the Bible is the living word. But in that moment, I saw how alive the Scriptures are. There is nothing like watching the hope of the gospel restore someone’s heart and there is nothing more restorative than the gospel.
That is the beauty of the love of the Father. He sent us a Savior so that even in our darkest times, deepest pain, our heaviest heartache we have hope. No other hope could restore a broken heart like Leon’s. Not hope in money, possessions, or people. He lost it all. Only the hope that we are saved by the blood of Jesus restores.
There is a lyric in the song Soon by Hillsong that speaks about heaven and brings me to tears every time. It says, “I will be with the one I love, with unveiled face I’ll see him. There my soul will be satisfied. Soon and very soon.”
I read Leon Revelation 21:4. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
He looked at me and smiled a soft, grateful smile. I reminded him once again through tears that this is not forever, pain is only for a short time. We repeated in German a couple of times, “kurze Zeit” (short time).
I prayed for him and he looked at me one last time with his tired blue eyes and told me that I have a good heart. I assured him it is only because of the love of Jesus that my heart is alive.
When it was time for dinner, I hugged him twice and handed him a piece of paper with those three verses written on it. I tried to give him my bible twice but he would not take it! I made him promise to buy a German one soon.
As I watched him drive away, I prayed that the Lord would bring him home soon. I don’t know how many more years he has but I felt a peace in my heart over asking the Lord to bring him home to be with Him and his family.
I am overwhelmed. I know the pain of a weary heart. I don’t know it quite like Leon, but I know it. My heart is with broken with gratitude that we have something eternal, loving, steadfast, unwavering, personal, perfectly good and holy to put our hope in. Death does not win! To die is gain.
Sitting here on our bamboo porch just before the electricity goes out for the night, my heart cries for the tired and broken. It cries for the families of my squad-mates who do not know the Lord. It cries for the lonely. It cries for the weary. It cries for the lost. It cries out for people anywhere who do not know the hope they have in Jesus.
It cries for heaven to fall down on this earth. We need you Jesus.
Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.
Psalm 31:14
