Feeling excited, I printed out each month until I leave on a separate piece of paper and hung it on my wall. I have been marking up each month with events, deadlines, dentist appointments, financial obligations etc. May always stood out to me because it had the least amount of markings. Other than a few birthdays and Mother’s Day, nothing seemed to cut it up. May was always that month in a normal school year that was unbearable. You are so close to summer you can taste it but you have this huge month in your way with no breaks, just four long weeks.
May means something different to me now than it used to. I feel like God has told me to do the opposite with this month, he has asked me to slow it down and soak it up. He has asked me to make every day intentional. Most importantly, he has asked me to come back to him.
I bruised my heel back in November and it has been a constant battle of healing ever since. I was put in a walking boot late December but still continued to live not fully “resting.” I wore it for the 8-12 weeks that was recommended, but would go on hikes when it felt fine, walked around in my home because the boot was uncomfortable and chose to wear cute shoes to a wedding even when I was not confident that I was fully healed.
I had a plan of how I would physically prepare for the World Race. I had a couple of half marathons and triathlons in mind that would help me get in shape for the trip. You can imagine how frustrating it has been not to train like I wanted to.
Along with a physical injury I have wrestled with spiritual and emotional injuries as well. I struggle with anxiety and depression and these past five months have been one of the hardest battles. I anticipated the attack knowing the enemy is trying to do whatever he can to discourage me, but I did not anticipate how hard it would be to fight. There have been days where the feelings are so intense, I give up fighting.
The amazing part is, even if I give up – God fights for me. And he has. He has shown me that my injured heel is not an attack from the enemy but actually God’s love through protection. God has used this prolonged injury to recapture my attention and bring be back to complete dependence. About three weeks ago when my heel flared up again, I finally stopped and asked God, “Lord, what am I missing here? What message am I not getting? At this point I know this is you speaking to me, what are you saying?” The overwhelming message I got was, “Kim you need ME, not an able body, you need ME big time.”
I was so humbled by that answer. I forgot the degree at which I need God. I can’t even count on my physical body. I have nothing without him! I know now that my heel injury is God’s way of calling me back to full dependence on him. I need him to heal my heel in time for training camp. I need him to encourage me when I get attacked with lies. I need him to help me believe his promises regardless of how hopeless things feel. I need his strength, his knowledge, his promises, his truth everyday. If there is anything these past few months have taught me is that I need him and it is so easy to forget that I do.
Even though I am frustrated that I cannot physically train like I wanted to, God spoke to me saying, “Kim THIS is the training that matters. THIS is what you NEED for the World Race. Remember, I have won the battle and defeated the enemy! I am using this time to train your mind to remember that so that I can use you. You could be the fastest runner on your squad and be useless to my kingdom. Draw near to me in this valley so that you remember to do so out on the mission field.”
With that, I thank God for this boot. I thank God that I have to strap it on every morning as a reminder that I need him for even the most trivial, mundane things. I thank God that it humbles me to slow down, ask for help and wait on him. I thank God that he did not let me coast my way to training camp training physically and forgetting the importance of training spiritually. I thank him for calling me back to full dependence, for fighting for me even when I gave up.
Now looking at the month of May, I see four weeks that I want to be intentional with drawing near to God and fighting off the enemy. I plan on doing these ten things and at the end of the month blogging again to share what the Lord has done in my heart and hopefully body! These things are not meant to be legalistic but help me remain disciplined! #accountability
1. I have been reading the book Victory Over The Darkness by Neil Anderson (highly recommend it) and in the book there are lists of truths. The list that stands out to me is the list of truths that describe who we are in Christ. Everyday for the month of May I am going to meditate and pray over one of them (there are over 31 so some days I may meditate on two). Today’s is: I am God’s child – John 1:10. (I will attach a picture of the list in this blog, its worth reading, super cool stuff).
2. Read and study one Proverb each morning.
3. Do some form of physical exercise for at least 30 min that is heel injury inclusive.
4. Take a picture, with my cool new camera *excited squeal*, of something in God’s creation that I think is beautiful as a way of worshipping him.
5. Study each piece of the armor of God and memorize one verse that reminds me of each piece.
6. Only listen to Christian music in my car!
7. Finish studying Luke and begin to read another book in the Bible (after I ask the Lord which one he wants me to read next), 2 chapters a day!
8. Ice, elevate and pray for my heel every night.
9. Rotate through praying for each country I will visit and my squad-mates (12 day cycle – pray for one country per day and then the 12th day pray for my squad-mates and then start over).
10. Take the raw and real emotions of my heart straight to Christ in prayer FIRST before going to a person.
I will re-blog on June 1st. I am excited to see what the Lord shows me this month! So thankful he fights for me even when I give up. He is faithful and good!
