Something about the first day in each country always leaves me in complete awe of God.
Something about that walk through a completely new airport, train station or bus stop. You have just spent the last 28 hours traveling by bus and train, laughed with teammates until your stomach cramped, haven’t eaten much, don’t smell the best, but are filled with anticipation and excitement. You have your whole life on your back, family by your side, you shake hands with a stranger who is now instantly also family, climb in the car and drive off to your new home. God, how am I here living this life? This is a dream. You have given me such a gift. I love your world, I love your people.
Something about that drive to your new home. You look out the window and try to take in every detail possible. You are thinking about where you just were, the place you used to call home in the country before, but you also cannot seem to fathom the amazing month you are about to have. You are thinking about your squad mates you have just left behind and your heart sinks a little, but then you look to your left and right and are filled with love and joy for your new team that you cannot explain. You watch as sights fly by the view from your window. You see bridges, lights, water, motorcycles, children, palm trees, God’s people and flutters fill your stomach. You pray as you ride. God thank you for the gift of Vietnam, thank you for all the people here. I see you everywhere. Thank you for bringing me here, I love you too. I am overwhelmed with the gifts you have given me. A whole new country awaits. What do you have for us this month?
Something about that first moment when you look your host in the eyes and shake his hand. You see his genuine smile, eager eyes and feel the presence of Jesus. You realize you have been given the gift of a Vietnamese grandpa for the month named Daniel. You hear him say that he feels a joyful presence about your team and you listen to him passionately describe his ministry, “these people need good news.” You stare back at him and don’t know whether you should cry or sing. The beauty of Jesus’s love does something to your soul. You are amazed at the love that your host has for you even within seconds of meeting you. God your people are so beautiful, you are everywhere, you are so beautiful. Your love is so unifying. It crosses oceans. You can recognize it anywhere and in anyone. Your love is bright, welcoming, warm, passionate, selfless, infectious, transformative, safe.
Something about getting to the 17th floor of a nice hotel in Da Nang, Vietnam, walking out on the balcony and having your breath be taken away by the gusts of wind hitting you from every angle and the view of the beach. You marvel at how big and powerful the waves are. You watch the the palm trees blow in the crazy wind and watch the waves crash over and over and all you can utter is a slow and awestruck, “Oh. My. Gosh.” You instantly miss home and your siblings, wishing they could be there to see the crazy waves that stretch father out than you have ever seen. You have no thoughts in that moment other than praises for how big God is. God you are so powerful. You are so great. How am I here looking at this. I am in Vietnam. You brought me here. How deep the Father’s love, how vast beyond all measure. What an adventure you are taking me on Lord. Never would I have ever thought I would be able to travel and see you in so many countries. I am speechless.
Something about visiting the coffee shop that is your ministry for the month and being greeted with warm hand shakes from so many genuine people. You walk in and feel the presence of God in that place. You are greeted by another Vietnamese man who is friends with Daniel. He smiles so brightly at you and shows you around the shop. You are hugged tightly by one of the young girls who works there and welcomed by a man named Diny from the United States. You are silenced by the presence of the Holy Spirit. You look around the coffee shop and see guitars, drums, laughter, love, community, Christmas and joy everywhere. God your love is so refreshing. It breathes life. I love you too Lord, so much. Who are the people here that need your love to breathe life into their hearts? Bring those people here this month Lord.
Something about waking up at 5:15am with jitters in your stomach and a love in your heart that wants to explode. Not really understanding it completely, all you want to do is worship. You want to go run. You grab your shoes, run down the stairs and see rain outside. You run back up the stairs, grab your rain jacket, run back down the stairs, unlock the gate, zip up your jacket and run toward the beach. Six minutes later you reach the beach and the wind is intense. You are stopped in your tracks as you get a ground level view of what you saw from the 17th floor. Awe. Tears. You start your run down the beach, but then decide to ditch the shoes. As you are running you are suddenly made aware that this run looks a lot like one you used to do back in San Diego. You remember back to when you used to run a similar run in between shifts of work just to make it through the day. You remember running and pleading to the Lord for relief. Running and running trying to shake the pain away. Running turning into sprinting only to be brought to a point where you fall on your knees out of breath with no strength, hands in the sand pleading just to turn off. Oh God, I was so blind to your love. I was so deceived, so lost.
Something about being here in Vietnam, on a completely different beach, touching a different ocean, looking back on those runs and declaring that those days are over. This time I ran as an act of worship, not escape. I was brought to my knees this time in reverence for God. Thinking about the contrast between my past runs along the beach and this current run brought me to a point of joy that was hard to fully express. I found myself singing as loud as possible into the wind as its intensity blew the earphones out of my ears. I danced, skipped and spun all the way back down the beach with many confused onlookers. I thought of how many people I wanted there with me, dancing along side of me praising God for who he is and how he has rescued us. How amazing is heaven going to be? God you saw me on that beach in San Diego, you cried with me. You were fighting for me even then, you never let me go. You ran after me, you lifted my face. You shined a hope into my heart that was dark and numb. You rescued me. I will praise your name forever.
I threw my rain jacket and shoes aside and ran into the water.
Every step of that run represented a time where the Lord fought for me and paved a new path with new footprints that led toward freedom and rest. He loved through my pride, he rescued me from shame, he saved me from fear. No longer will lies trap me until I want to escape life altogether. The devil does not even know me. I will only listen to my heavenly Father who knows me completely and perfectly.
God’s love is the most beautiful thing in the world. It frees, it rescues, it saves. Sometimes I feel so limited by physical boundaries, can I ever worship enough?
I can’t hold it all inside.
God. You. Are. Awe-some. Send us out to love people with your love so that more hearts can be freed, rescued and saved. Your love is meant to be shared. My life is yours. I love you too, forever.
“I can’t hold it all inside,
I’m reaching for the one who brought me out of death and into life
But I can’t sing loud enough, I can’t sing loud enough
When I’m singing for You My God
But I can’t bow low enough, I can’t bow low enough
At the vision of You my God
Now I can’t lift my hands high enough, lift my hands high enough
When I’m reaching for You my God
And I can’t reach my hands high enough, lift my hands high enough
When I’m reaching for You my God”
Meet Team Jubilee:
Top row: Jo, Emmy, Taylor
Bottom: Yours truly, Kristen, Andre (team leader)
