The month of May has come and gone in a flash. I started the month asking God to show up and I want to share two times in which he did.
#1 When God showed me his sovereignty.
In my last blog I spoke about a heel injury that occurred in October. I was put in a walking boot, but after six months of not feeling any progression toward healing, I went back into the doctor. After reexplaining the injury and my experience in the boot, we realized that my pain was actually the result of a crushed nerve. The doctor recommended an MRI and hinted at the possibility of surgery. I grew very anxious and frustrated knowing I only had a month before I flew to training camp. I asked God to help me stay completely surrendered and asked my doctor what to do. He suggested trying a cortisone injection to decrease inflammation and hopefully relieve pressure from the nerve. After the shot, the pain in my heel went from a 2/10 to a 9/10. The change in pain was expected and I was instructed to wait a couple of days. I took work off the next day due to the pain and spent the majority of the day in prayer.
I came to a place of peace in my heart. I had no control anymore. No amount of icing or resting could really help the situation of my heel. I just had to wait. I went to a concert that night (I was able to walk on it now without extended pressure) and one of the band members had just had a double amputation of both his feet. He told the story and used his pain and suffering as a way to glorify God. All of a sudden, I got excited. I prayed, “God, if you want to take my foot, I’ll worship you. If I go back to the doctor and he suggests amputating my foot, I will do it and glorify you. I will do the World Race later than I thought, but I know you know what is best for me to bring you glory. My life is yours.”
My injury is nowhere close to needing amputation, but that heart position is what the Lord had been after all along. The heart position where you are okay with the worst scenario because Jesus is enough is the most comfortable position. Nothing has the power to break you, you have everything you need. Think of the scariest “what if” question you could ask, if you can respond with “yeah that actually could happen, but I know my God is enough” then you are truly free.
Two days later, my heel had little to no pain whatsoever. I could slip a shoe on and off comfortably and went on two runs with no pain. I was amazed at the complete turn around in just a short couple of days. It made me marvel at the power and sovereignty of God. He knows the best timing for everything. The story with my heel is not over, I am not back to 100% but the cool thing is I don’t need to be. I know how sustainable and powerful my God is. He showed me! He is the God of all resources and he knows exactly what I need to serve effectively with him on the world race. I am so thankful I will be in a shoe and able to run at training camp, but I am more thankful that God reminded me that the most effective Kim at training camp is a willing and surrendered Kim.
#2 When God showed me his compassion.
There was a week or so in May where I struggled with anger. I was angry at sin, the world, and people in many ways. It was a huge spiritual attack paired with my struggle with depression this year. I felt very stuck in it. There was one evening where it was especially difficult to fight. My car overheated and started to smoke as I was on my way to my brother’s championship volleyball game. I pulled over, popped my hood and saw that one of the tubes connecting to my radiator had popped. I could feel myself lose the will to even care, my anger was turning to numbness. “Of course. More money I have to spend, well whatever I guess, I am over it” was the thought that consumed me.
Just as I reached for my phone to call my dad, a truck pulled over in front of me and a man jumped out with three young kids in the back seat and walked up to my car. He asked “do you know what happened to your car?” I replied with a very cold and short, “yes its my radiator, ” avoiding eye contact. He told me he works on cars and begins to look around in my engine. A tow truck pulls up behind us and another man gets out to come to my aid. The tow truck driver brings a jug of water to pour into my radiator to make it drive-able. Marco (the first man with the three kids) tells me the problem is an easy fix and wants to help.
I was blown away by his kindness and saw something in him that allowed me to trust his character. He waved at the traffic to slow down as I followed him to a nearby gas station. I could feel the anger in my heart begin to thaw as I received Marco’s care and compassion. The gas station happened to be next to an auto shop where Marco got the small piece of tube we needed for free and fixed my car within an hour. He said that he would want someone kind to stop for his younger sister who was about my age and one day his daughter when she drives. I thanked him over and over and bought his kids ice cream. We talked about his job, his family, his faith in Jesus and how he made a commitment to show God’s love in tangible day to day moments such as these. I was absolutely blown away by God’s compassion that day. He knew the grip anger had on my heart, he knew the pain I was becoming numb too, he knew that I had given up, but he fought for me. I made it just on time to see my brother score the game winning point and have not struggled with my radiator since.
These two stories remind me of the story of Peter walking on water. When Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and onto the wind and waves, be began to sink. But even though Peter began to sink, Jesus did not let him drown.
The first story was me looking looking at the wind and waves, but God reminded me of his sovereignty through the man’s story at the concert and healing my heel. The second story was me sinking, but God saved me from fully drowning by showing me his compassion through Marco.
My God fights for me. He is a lion, roaring with power. He fights because me promises that he loves me, he is always with me and he will finish a work he starts in me. Nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).
God, I am forever thankful that you seek to save the lost and devote my life to serving you. You are so incredible. You are unfathomable. Your power is unmatchable and I want to fight with you for people’s hearts the way you fight for me. Send me out to save the lost. I pray that you would help me maintain this willing and surrendered heart as I leave for training camp in one week. Thank you for showing up in May, your love is devoted.
