My squad was hosting a soccer tournament today for the local care points. I was walking around the field and stopped to look around at the surrounds. Trees, mountains, bushes, and dirt covered the area. It was beautiful and alive. On top of the life, however, was trash. There was fresh litter, rusted cans, small pieces of glass, and larger discards. It distracted from the beauty, but none the less, it was still a beloved placed. We started to pick up the litter on the field so the players would have a clean area to play. Some things were easy and fast to throw away and some took time, patience, and attention to pick up.
God was using this as a metaphor to remind me what He has been doing in my heart this past month. I have gotten distracted in the process and it is time I pick up the litter in my soul.
God has taught me this month to not just talk to Him, but actually listen for His voice. He has also asked me to be obedient in the time I spend with Him. Most importantly though, God has taught me that I am loved by Him and that is all that matters in life.
Growing up in church, I have had so much head knowledge of God’s love, but that knowledge is being translated more and more to my heart. I have become aware of how I focused my identity on what others thought of me and my achievements. When I was not invited to a movie night, I believed people didn’t like me and I was worth nothing. When I didn’t get the solo in choir, I believed my voice was not as good as the chosen singer and I should stop trying because I never would get a solo. I believed the lies that were verbally spoken over me and the ones I felt came to me through the enemy.
I have started to pick up the litter in my soul, little by little. I metaphorically threw away a rusty can as I asked God what He thought about me. He told me truth. He told me “Daughter” and showed me how all the amazing things I see in my earthly dad was an overflow of His love. I picked up a scrap of a candy wrapper. He asked me to listen to the recording of my senior recital. He said, “See you sound beautiful,” and for the first time I believed it. I picked up a broken bottle. When my team made me feel loved on my birthday, He reminded me that if I felt loved by people here, how much more do you think He loves me? I then picked up some tinny glass pieces, one at a time. I listened to Eric Whitacre’s Alleluia, and saw the beauty in the dissonant chords. He told me, “Remember in the darkness what I have promised in the light.” The end of the song builds up to angelic chords which turn dissonant and then resolve.
At times, God leads us to work through places in our lives that maybe hard, but they will resolve and be even more beautiful. It may feel like a long and tedious process, like picking up glass, but God has a purpose behind it as He works for the good.
I have officially arrived in Pine Town, South Africa (a suburb of Durban) with my team for month three. We are volunteering at “Hope House”. It is a home for abandoned babies. More information and stores to come! Thanks for all your prayers!
Kimmy Laumann
