vent
vent/verb
1. give free expression to (a strong emotion).
What does it mean to vent? The dictionary says, “To give free expression to a strong emotion.” With that being said, let me tell you a little story from a week ago. I was with someone who had just experienced an unpleasant encounter with another person. This someone, who we will call Jane, told me the whole story in a somewhat calm, but frustrated manner. During this time, a third person, who was there for the previous and upsetting conversation, joined in and added some information along with what they personally felt that not-so-nice person, who we will call Anna, was trying to say. I could see the fuel being poured on the fire of anger that was beginning to ignite in Jane. Later that day a friend of Jane’s stopped by. Jane began pouring out all the hurtful things Anna had said to her. This time was different though. Jane was angrier and the story had changed. This time Jane was more sure of Anna’s intentions. She knew for sure that she was trying to hurt her by everything she had said. She knew what Anna was feeling and even knew Anna’s own private thoughts. I was amazed. I had seen this so many times before. I had seen it in people around me, and even more upsetting, I had seen it in myself. Time passed and the story was told to several more people and each time Jane was angrier and more bitter, and Anna was more evil and conniving.
We have been given the idea that venting is healthy, but that’s an illusion. As I said before venting is the act of taking a strong emotion and letting it run free with itself. It soars high and wild and consumes everything in its path. Love, compassion, mercy and forgiveness burned to ashes in its wake. Nothing is left to salvage.
A couple days later Jane’s anger subsided, and she was able to see Anna’s true heart, but by this time all the others she had vented to were set in their now polluted image of Anna.
How often do we actually feel better from venting? Sure, initially there can appear to be the lifting of a weight off our chest, but what happens over time? Our anger grows, we begin to feel a little gross and even guilty about what we have said or thought (I’m a pro at venting to myself, and it’s just as destructive) about the other person.
I see venting as laying down a small burden just to pick up another heavier one. A burden of hurt becomes a burden of bitterness, anger, frustration, unforgiveness and self-satisfying justice. I’ve been so guilty of this. It’s something I may always struggle with, so I get it. It feels good to feel justified but accomplishes nothing more than that; self justification, and it completely steps over one of God’s greatest commandments to us; to love each other.
Alternatives to venting
There is a difference between venting and seeking advice. Venting is driven by selfish emotion. It’s intention is to make us feel better by getting others to agree with us that we were treated in an unjust manner. The act of seeking advice, however, is driven with a selfless heart that seeks out a way to repair what is damaged or broken. When seeking advice with a loving heart, we don’t desire to slander the person who hurt us or get justification for our feelings. We are looking for the best way to love, heal and mend what has come between us.
I want to challenge everyone today to seek out healthier ways to communicate. To seek healing and not destruction. To choose love over self justification. Is that not what Jesus would do?
“Be committed to teach the believers all these things when you are with them in the presence of the Lord. Instruct them to never be drawn into meaningless arguments, or tear each other down with useless words that only harm others.”
2 Timothy 2:14
