Training Camp. I honestly don’t know where to start. It feels like a dream.
I tried not to get too many expectations about training camp beforehand while at the same time preparing as much as possible by reading blogs and watching vlogs from former racers. My aim was to prepare but remain adaptable.
Three other ladies from Iowa, Oklahoma and Kansas City, Missouri met me in Springfield, Mo to carpool to Georgia. I’ll admit I was terrified. We had never met before, and I would be with them for a 10-hour drive across the country, and I was carrying a secret. I had been dealing silently with social anxiety; a result of a traumatic experience that happened during a year of missions in Japan in 2016. That’s two years of relentless anxiety attacks and panic attacks. I had cried countless tears; practically begging God for healing but nothing changed. There were times I considered leaving the World Race because I was so sure the anxiety would get in the way of ministry overseas. I decided to step out in faith and trust that God would bring me the healing I would need to do what he called me to do.
I slept through most of the drive, so the time passed quickly. We parked and collected our gear. We had arrived a day early for the storytelling workshop. So we made our way to the back of a building called the Lodge and made a huge pile of all our packs at the back door. Over the next two weeks, my mental and physical strength was tested. We set through several consecutive sessions, team building exercises, and squad debriefings. We packed up camp almost every morning before the sun had even risen, took freezing cold bucket showers and had a strenuous fitness test that required us to jog for 38 minutes up and down hills with our 40lb packs on. I even managed to catch a bad cold. I’ll admit by the 4th day, I was about to break. I remember thinking “Just hold on a little longer. We’ll be back in our tents soon and you can cry it out.” That evening everything changed.
We were in a worship session that night and were prompted by the worship leader to ask God to show us where he was in the difficult times, so I closed my eyes and asked God to show me where he was in everything that had happened to me in Japan. Immediately, a reel of images began playing in my head and he was there in every single one of them. He was walking alongside me. He was holding my hand. In some, he was fully embracing me. I was never alone. I began to sob. He then reminded me of a walk he and I had up a rough mountain trail in a village I was staying in my last week in Japan. He reminded me how beautiful it was and the wonderful conversation we had there. He also reminded me how impactful this moment was to me and how much I loved telling the story. Then he said, “You would have never experienced this moment with me if you hadn’t gone through what you did.”
I couldn’t believe it. It was as if something in me shifted. I felt so much pain and hurt lift and dissipate. I went from shame and pain to thankfulness and praise.
A couple days later we had a check-in with a trainer to see how we were doing. She asked me if there was anything I wanted to mention to her about my time at training. I said, “ I’ve been dealing with social anxiety for two years, and I haven’t felt an ounce of anxiety for two days now.”
“So keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real, honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising him always. Follow the example of all that we have imparted to you and the God of peace will be with you in all things.”
Philippians 4:8-9 tpt
Anytime I feel anxiety coming on, I remember that moment I had with him. I remember to focus on the wonderful things he’s done for me and to praise him for who he is; a loving father who wants the best for me.
I still have funds to raise. My next deadline is to raise another $5,000 by December 18th. If you would like to partner with me on this incredible journey, click the donate button above. Please, remember to keep me and my team in your prayers as we prepare over the next two months to leave. Thank you so much for the support!
