March 23rd, 2018 easily goes down as the hardest day of my life. My whole world was turned upside down in less than 24 hours. One day I’m smiling happier than ever, and the next I can’t even begin to hold back my heartache, tears, and anger. This day I lost my Grandpa. This is the day I booked a round trip flight home with no intention of actually returning back on the race. You may be confused as to why I booked a round trip. I couldn’t dare let anyone know that in that moment I had actually given up. I had given up on God’s plan because how could he expect me to keep doing this when he took my best friend away from me? My grandpa was my best friend. I know how much he loved me without him ever even saying a word. He supported all of my decisions and was only ever encouraging. All he wanted was for his baby to be happy, and if that meant me leaving to travel around the world to share the gospel, and help people then he was happy.
After several flights and over 20 hours I was finally on American Soil, and the next
thing I knew I was sitting at a funeral home with my family planning my grandpa’s funeral. I’m sitting there as my mom, aunts, and memaw are just falling apart. I’m answering questions I didn’t know I even knew answers too. I was being emotionally strong. Being strong emotionally is always something I’ve lacked, but the Lord gave that to me throughout my time at home because that is what my family needed. When it was all said and done and everyone had left the room besides myself and my memaw she hugged me and said “ You have to go back” I look at her as if she’s the craziest person in the world. She then continues with “ Your grandpa was so proud of you, and he would never want you to give up on God’s plan for you because of this. This is also a part of his plan and he already knew this would happen when he told you to go.” In that moment my reality set in. I was experiencing something that I had for the past 6 months been preaching to people. God can and will get you through any situation big or small you just have to trust him. He will take your sadness away. He will give you what you need to keep pushing. These are things I’ve told 100’s of people, and there I was doubting my God. Needless to say I am now back on this crazy journey God has me on. Grieving the loss of my grandpa without any of my family. Taking it day by day because I know the Lord will guide me, and continue to put people in my life that I need. I’ve already seen so much growth and so much redemption in my life just in these past 6 months, and I’m excited to continue pushing into the unknown because I trust my God. Please continue praying for me though. This isn’t easy it’s going to be a hard 4 more months, but I know my God is in control, and he won’t let me fail.
To my family,
Turn to one another. Be thankful that you have each other just a phone call or a few hundred miles away, but do not forget who your ultimate comforter is. That is God. He is the only one who can heal your heart of this. Keep pushing because that’s what my grandpa would have wanted. Do not quit because grandpa would never quit. He’s proud of every one of you! More than we will probably ever know. Love each other because we are family and family means more to me than anything, and it should to you all as well! I love you!!
Kimbra!
