This blog may not be something that we learned in one of the many sessions we sat in each day, but it is something that The Lord revealed to me one morning and something that I need to share with you.
Going into Training Camp there were multiple parts that I was nervous about
- The Fitness Hike – I failed it twice the last time… but passed it on the first try this time, I completed it in 35 minutes (time limit was 38)… also shout out to my wonderful Squad Leader Rachel for staying with me the whole time, YOU ROCK
- Meals – I struggled with eating a lot last time… but this time around I found myself decently hungry at every meal and even had seconds at most meals
- Monday Morning – I was sent home on Monday… but I made it through Monday (this blog will tell a story about what The Lord revealed to me that morning) and the rest of the week 😀
As we arrived to TC I knew deep down this time was going to be different, but there was still that small whisper (sometimes loud voice) from the enemy telling me that it wasn’t going to work out and that it was going to turn out the same as last time, but as I began sharing my story and people prayed for me I felt a weight being lifted and felt joy and peace about being back.
Most days were great and I was connecting well with my squad and forming friendships with some of the girls, but there were still moments of feeling attacked by the enemy and I couldn’t figure out why I felt so attacked at times but not others until early Monday morning. Once I passed the fitness hike Saturday Morning I was feeling great (because I thought that was the last hurdle I had to face from my first TC), but then on Sunday I was feeling attacked aging and realized that getting through Sunday night/Monday morning was going to be another hurdle because of last time. When I saw my Squad Mentor Stacy Sunday Morning (Women’s Day) she asked how I was doing and I told her that I felt ok, but was struggling a little bit because I felt the enemy was attacking me and feeding more and more lies about how I wasn’t good enough, that no one cared about me, that I was going to fail again, and so Stacy prayed over me and I felt great and didn’t feel attacked anymore until later that day when all of us Women had to complete physical tasks to be able to “cross the border from Thailand to Cambodia” (as to not give anything away to future racers who might be reading this I’m not going to go into details about what this entailed).
I went to sleep Sunday night feeling defeated and not sure of myself or my place at TC/on my squad/on my team. I woke up in the early morning hours (4am) on Monday to the sound of rain pelting my tent and laid there for a bit just listening to the rain and begging God to silence the voice of the enemy who was still speaking lies to me. As I was sitting there begging God the rain let up and I decided it would be a good time to go to the bathroom… my plan was to just go to the port a potties closet to our Squad campsite, but The Lord in his almighty wisdom had other plans – He told me that we were going to take a walk to the port a potties by the Women’s showers. As we were walking we had, what I like to call, “a come to Jesus moment.” In that moment The Lord revealed to me that he had already given me freedom in the area of what the enemy was speaking lies in, and that I was continuing to pick back up what I had laid down at his feet because I didn’t think he could handle it without my help (spoiler alert – he can and will handle it without my help), and he made it clear that I was to leave it at his feet and not pick it up again! I realize that he was right (as he always is) and truly laid it down and vowed to not pick it back up.
On the way back to our campsite I decide it would be the perfect time to go shower, because there was the break in rain, it was semi warm, and the showers were empty (as they should be at 4:30 am). As I got back to my tent and began to gather my stuff to go shower it began down pouring again, so I said I would give it 30minutes and if it stopped I would go shower (it proceeded to rain for about 6-7 more hours). Needless to say I didn’t go shower that morning, but what happened next was one of the most pivotal moments at TC.
Since it began down pouring, I decided to re-organize my daypack since it didn’t make sense in my mind to go back to sleep for an hour our so (we had to be up at 7am the next morning). As I was re-organizing my daypack I found my nametag from my first TC and realized that it was through my old nametag that the enemy had been speaking lies to me – anytime I wasn’t near my daypack I felt great but anytime I was near it I felt attacked. The Lord made it clear to me that since this was how the enemy was getting to me I needed to give it to Stacy and have her do whatever with it – me throwing it away wouldn’t work because then I would know where it was and the enemy would still hold power in it and be able to speak lies to me through it. When I gave it to Stacy and told her about my “come to Jesus moment” and then finding my old nametag, she also told me that I needed to stop comparing this TC to the last one because I was in a different space and this is where I was meant to be, so I made a promise to Stacy and myself that I would stop with the comparisons.
I couldn’t ask for a better Squad to be part of – we are the most easy going and chill squad ever (maybe that’s why we are E-Squad – hahaha)… that is until you get us involved in Squad Wars, and then we come out of nowhere with tons of energy and take home the WIN!!
I have more stories to share from TC, but this is all for now!
<3 Kimberly
